Monday Weigh In: Let's Be Realistic

So realistically last week wasn't a great week for me..in fact it was pretty dire... I ate out twice in the week and in one day and had two x3 course meals...and the next day I ate a lunch that I shouldn't have really had either... then on Thursday night after my epic run in the morning I was up all night being really ill.. I had some kind of stomach bug that was not pleasant at all... although when I got on the scales in the morning I was really close to 182lbs it was obviously not real as I had just lost anything and everything from inside my body... then I was feeling so sorry for myself on Friday afternoon while in bed I ate chocolate and cookies etc even though I knew I was going to regret it later. Saturday was ok but I not great and on Sunday I ate raw cake mixture (Don't ask) followed by Toad in the Hole.... so alot of unhealthy stuff in that day as well.... I am actually really annoyed as when I got on the scales on Saturday I was showing 183lbs and said to myself if I have a good weekend I will stay at that which would have been good... instead I gorged myself on crap and saw the results this morning... oh and by the way... did I log all the crap I ate....did I hell! 

Anyway...today is a new day... a new week ...and a new chance to get it all right... I went to the gym this morning and I did my 30min run. I am actually really pleased as I struggled today and by 20 minutes I was considering stopping but instead I talked my way through it and completed the 30 mins....I also ran without music again this morning and it was good, I didn't miss it at all and when I was struggling I was concentrating on myself rather than messing around with changing the music to find a faster tempo... I think it works for me because in the mornings I am only one in the gym so I can still watch TV and hear it! I don't know how I would feel running on the street with no music! 

I am quite tired of always falling back... so far this year I have only lost a stone and for the last 2 months I have just been going up and down in regards to weight... I have 6 days until my wedding weigh in and know I won't make it..and actually it's not even about the weight so much anymore...it's more about how I keep on failing at "being healthy"... I want to make it so healthy is 2nd nature to me and I am not tempted to make bad choices and that I don't turn to food for things... I want to make sure I go to the gym when I say I will and just be healthy... If I had all of that all the time then I wouldn't worry about the number on the scale as I know my body would follow and I know that I am fit,healthy and in control...