Owning The Zone

Hey peeps....I'm writing this on a tablet so apologies in advance if it's messed up a bit! Anyway...I'm feeling so good at the moment...I think it's slowly hitting me that i reached my inital goal weight and like I said although I want to do better its no longer because I hate my body but more because I know that my body deserves more...and I deserve more! 

Today I had a really good day...even though it could have been a washout and not just because of the weather! My alarm went off at 6am but last night I didn't go to sleep until nearly 1am and I kept on falling back into quite a deep sleep every time my alarm went off so decided just to get up at 7am instead and have an extra 40mins sleeping. Got to work and had a yummy breakfast of a 2 egg omelet, cottage cheese, smoked chicken breast and all washed down with a green tea. Lunch was a shake...and then after work I went to the Gym to make up for my lack of going this morning...it was so good...I just banged out 30mins on the cross trainer at a higher rpm than normal....came home tidied up a bit and then cooked a yummy dinner of Turkey breast, mixed kidney beans in a spicy sauce, spring onion, cherry tomato and white rice served with the smallest amount of creme fraiche to combat the heat of peri peri sauce I mixed in to the sauce! All in all a good day....dinner had more carbs in than I would have liked but I want to make sure I get enough fiber!

Anyway....here I am now sipping on a green tea and talking to you lot! Going to make sure I go to bed by 10.30 tonight as tomorrow I will be going swimming in the morning...I haven't gone swimming for ages and am going to try incorporating it into my workout and thinking of doing it on Wednesdays as it will split up the week and from a housewife point of view will let me wash my gym clothes midweek instead of having to  stress by doing a turnaround in one night!

That's it from me...have a good night!

I Hit My Orginal Target Weight

Well  I did it… I hit my original target of 182lbs…13 stone …82 kilos… I am pleased and I stood on the scales about 3 times and every time it said bang on 13 stone so it’s defiantly real! To be honest as happy as I am .. and I really am happy.. I am not as jubilant as I thought I would be, I think it’s because I have moved the goal posts to 161lbs and so mentally am now focusing on that. I think also I have been so close to it for a while and so it’s not such a big thing. I am actually a little sad at my reaction as when I hit “Onderland” I actually started crying. I think it will be more of an impact when I get down to 175lbs or further away from 182lbs as that will then be going into a weight I can not remember being. It’s funny how your thoughts change… when I was 222lbs and starting out on this journey I thought I would be so happy with myself at 182lbs and feel complete…but actually I now know I can do better and be better… I don’t mean that in a negative way but I know that I am capable of being even better than 182lbs… and that my body deserves to be healthier and fitter than 182lbs..

I went to the gym on Saturday and did an hour and half of pure cardio which included 60minutes on the cross trainer and then 30 minutes on the running machine but walking at a fast pace at steep incline with arm weights I then did some toning exercises as I am getting aware that I do a lot of cardio mainly focusing on my lower half and then don’t really do anything for my arms. I don’t want to end up with toned legs and flabby arms… not such a good look. I also managed to get to the gym this morning before work and am confident that I will get back and stay in my routine. I am also back to my high protein lifestyle after not doing it properly last week due to being ill. It really does amaze me the difference it makes, for breakfast today I had a chicken breast, 2 eggs, carrots and hummus..I was so full after and it kept me going all day. I had a light lunch of a slimfast shake and a small helping of hummus and carrots and felt fine all day and that’s after doing 30 mins on the cross trainer in the morning. I am having slimfast shakes for the moment as I bought some before I started trying out high-protein and once I have finished them I am going to try and move onto a protein shake with a light lunch. I do strongly feel that a high-protein diet (diet as in foods I eat all the time rather than going on a diet) is the way forward for me. It keeps me full, I am not really limited in what I eat and still eat some carbs when I want or feel like I need them and I am making sure I eat fiber to keep my digestive system all healthy. It’s something that I can really stick to without causing a lot of disruption to my everyday life.

I feel totally ready to move on to the last 21lbs… I know they will be the hardest to move but really feel like I am in the right place for it. I just can’t believe that I was ever 222lbs and at my heaviest 231lbs…I have educated myself so much and have achieved so much… and have turned my life around in a year and half and am a whole new person… and I love it..



Me on the 14th June 2013 - 185lbs

This is me about 3 hours before I got engaged!



Carb and Sugar Crash

Feeling still so full from yesterday its ridik....yesterday was an epic fail... but what's funny is when I look at it I think to myself ...wow my life has changed... So yesterday here is everything I ate:

Breakfast: Fresh Low-Fat yogurt Smoothy with Strawberries and Raspberries

Lunch: Ciabatta Club Sandwich (Creamed Chicken, Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato) and 5 White Choc Cookies

Dinner: 3 Mini Pork Kebabs, 1 Chorizo Burger with Bun and Slice Cheese, Half a Burger Bap, 175ml Red Wine

Now for me I look at that and think "omg I ate alot" and I was feeling so full...even before Dinner...I actually would have liked to be sick because I was feeling just so so bloated and full it was uncomfortable..In the evening I went to my friends house for a BBQ and was almost force fed, I left some of the burger and took my bap off half way through as I literally felt completely full...if I had been at home yesterday I just wouldn't have eaten! The day wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't had the cookies... and do you know what... even while I was eating them I wasn't enjoying them that much as I knew it was totally a mental craving and they weren't providing anything for me... I had 5 because they were in front of me...it really was such an epic fail and the regret I felt after far out-weighed the small amount of pleasure I got from eating them..

What  I think is crazy is that now I look at that food list and think it's huge but I know that a year ago that would have been my average day's food and I would have added a dessert to that as well and alot more wine... Last night I was actually really proud of myself in one aspect... My friends wanted wine... normal... and I said no.. but they were persuaded me to have a glass...and normally one glass turns into 5 but last night I had one glass..didn't enjoy it that much and then stuck with water for the rest of the night while they had a few glasses.... mega proud of myself!

Today I am still feeling quite full so I am having a shake for breakfast and then am going to have an egg white omelette with cherry tomatoes and then for dinner I am having steak and salad... 

Have my Wedding Monthly Weigh In on Sunday, I need to be below 186 to be on track and am actually confident that I will weigh in a bit below that ... just need to move yesterday's food. 

Eating it...and Loving it...

Woke up this morning feeling so much better... it was such a nice feeling...actually feel like I can eat something today...and eat properly..not just small and not even enjoying it... Today I am not counting calories as I have so many cravings it's crazy..I had a fruit  low fat yogurt smoothy for breakfast and then for lunch I had a Ciabatta with creamed chicken, bacon, tomato and lettuce.... it was so delish and really really hit the spot. Tonight I am going to a friends house and we are having a BBQ which again I am really looking forward to. It seems like I am craving carbs today...which is fine but slightly annoying as really want to get back to my Protein diet... but to be honest today I am just enjoying the fact that I can eat! 

I didn't make it to the gym this morning but had a really good nights sleep and  I am planning on going to the gym on Saturday morning for a full session of cross trainer, bike and swimming...really get the heart going and burn off some of the carb calories I will  consume today. 

Eating it and loving it..

Still feeling ill

Hi peeps.... still here and hanging on....I haven't been feeling too hot since Saturday night and my escapades with the fish...Still got a bit of a dodgy stomach and my appetite has almost diminished... I keep on thinking about the fish and it makes my stomach turn... so food wise so far this week has just been pretty dismal - not in a bad sense but more in an aspect that I know I should eat but I just don't know what I want to eat and don't feel like eating. I just constantly feel as though I am going to be sick although I know I'm not actually going to...anyway not so interesting... I haven't been to the gym yet this week because of feeling ill and also my energy levels are right down.. I am knackered at the end of the day and with the heat we are experiencing I am not sleeping that well, our bedroom is in the mezzanine and so the heat is extra intense up there!! I am going to try and get to the gym tomorrow morning...even if I just do a light bit of exercise it will be better than nothing...and who knows it might actually sort me out.

 

I have my Official weigh in on the 28th... I have to come in at 184lbs to hit my goal and at the moment I am teetering on 182lbs...but I don't think Sunday will be a totally true reflection of the month due to this week.. but we will see what happens. If I do hit 182lbs for Sunday I will be very very happy indeed as that will be 13stone...which would be amazing...

 

 

Weigh In - 22.07.13

Got on the scales this morning and saw 184lbs...v pleased...2lbs away from 13stone! I am sure I can shift them this week! This is going to be a mega short post as gave myself food poisoning over the weekend (Sat night) from part-cooked fish.. even the thought if it makes me feel sick... 

Also sorry for not blogging very much recently.. work has really been getting me down... really frustrated and fed up in the company I am in at the moment.. so doing all I can to stay positive and upbeat...

Talking of which.. I went to the gym on Saturday morning and did 85minutes on the cross trainer and coompeleted my 10k steps and 5 miles all in one go! Yay! 

Motivation Images

 

 

 

 

Interval Training

This morning I went to the gym and did Interval training for the 1st time in my life.... it almost killed me....!!! I was on the cross trainer and warmed up for about 5 minutes.. (truth be told I was scared to start the interval part) ... then I did 1 minute fast at above 80rpm followed by 2 minutes slow at 60-65rpm a minute.... the first couple of first sessions I was ok... but after about 3 fast minutes I was knackered... so I then had a 4 minutes slow and went back into the 1 and 2 minute sessions...by the end of the 30 minutes I was properly done...but I have to say I loved it...it was knackering but I sweated so much from it so it had to be good!

 

Had a good filling breakfast this morning of a 2 egg omelette, chicken and avocado which was very yummy and I have to say kept me full virtually all day... I am really looking into the high protein diet and do feel like it makes a lot of sense so am going to try and incorporate it into everyday eating but without going crazy... I realise more and more that you can not do just one diet as everybody works differently and you need to try different things to see what best works for you... So for me I am trying: Exercise five times a week, High protein-low carb diet and no drinking during the week....

 

Sweaty me at the gym this morning....

 

 

 

What a Weekend

Firstly.. I drank over the weekend... so I only managed 3 days with no alcohol.... but still pretty pleased with 3 days...now going to push it forward to 5 days....

 

Had a great weekend... On Friday we met up with 2 friends (a couple) and went out for dinner... we managed to sit outside which was so nice and we had such a  good time.. my cheeks were actually hurting at the end from laughing so much. It was so nice to spend time with people and know that they were 100% genuine and truly friends... after the last few days of questioning myself it was nice...to relax and feel myself.

 

Then on Saturday morning we went over to my parents house as we had a few people coming over to give quotes about marquees and things... that was really exciting as making "the Big Day" a lot more real... then stayed for a lovely lunch and then sunbathing at home for the rest of the afternoon with a good book...

 

Sunday...Biggy's friend came up for lunch and due to the heat I just did Tapas style food but it was all relatively healthy...we also had champagne as Biggy hadn't seen her for a few years...after lunch we all headed into Windsor and took a boat trip up the Thames which was really nice and then finished off with some Pimms watching people go by... Sunday night both Biggy and I were quite tired and had raging headaches due to the heat and the champagne and Pimms so just took it easy and tried to keep cool....

 

I got on the scales on Sunday morning and saw 184lbs which I was thrilled about...but then got on the scales this morning and to be honest just got confused... when I fist stood on them it was 189lbs...then I got on them again and it was 184lbs... then somewhere in the middle... so I don't really know what I am today... My scales are the old style scales so I do stand on them about 4 times to be able to get an average as some times like today it all changes and other times it will keep on saying the same thing like yesterday...I do have digital scales but they are Weight Watchers ones and add about 7lbs to my weight...I'm tempted to start using them as they are probably more accurate in regards to actual variation in weight and don't really want to go and buy ANOTHER set of scales... I do partly think that if I did have a gain it was due to the alcohol on Sunday...

 

In regards to plans for the week.. I really want to keep with the high Protein and also want to try and incorporate the 5:2 plan on Tuesday and Thursday... I have just over 2 weeks to be able to hit my goal of -3lbs for my Wedding time line...confident I can hit it...just need to keep on the same plan stay away from alcohol for the week and hit the gym...

3 days - No Wine - Amazeballs

Ok... I know that for most people.. they will be like.. "3 days without drink...big deal...not..." but for me... that really is a big deal... I couldn't tell you the last time I went without alcohol for more than 48hours...which in it's self is horrific... so to go 3 days and still not giving in is great... also Biggy had a beer last night (which I don't like) but he offered me a glass of wine and I said no...just like that... Biggy did point out that I am going after the placebo effect...and I totally agreed... I am drinking Elderflower cordial with sparkling water and frozen berries on top in a large wine glass... the berries give the drink a reddy colour so looks a bit like rose wine (if I stretch my imagination) and the fact it's in a wine glass makes it feel more special... My drinking was/is totally a habit and a reward after a hard day...so it's good to try and get out of this.. on top of this like I have been saying alcohol does really mess with my head and I just don't want that anymore... I have enough thoughts in my head when I'm sober let alone when I have had a drink...

 

 

Today I am feeling really healthy...but not just in regards to food but actually in  my body... I feel lighter and (don't laugh) but cleaner as well... which is amazing as I had another sleepless night last night due to the roadworks... I went to the gym this morning and was running so late as really had to force myself out of bed.. I only had time for 20 minutes on the bike machine and had to move from the normal bike to the one with a back rest as did have my head on the dashboard within 2 minutes while on the normal one... but after I moved I did do a straight 20 minutes and started to have a good sweat on..

 

Tonight I am meeting friends for a drink and a catch up and am not going to be drinking...I want to go 10 days straight without it...and then we will see how I feel.... wish me luck!!!

Sometimes You Just Need To Draw A Line

 

I am still very much here and still staying strong...although I am feeling a bit down at the moment...I had a quick jump on the scales this morning and back up to 189 which is just so incredibly frustrating it's crazy... I think some of it might be because I have been quite backlogged the last few days (too much info...?) It's quite unusual for me so have had a few glasses of the prune juice.. I think it might be because I have changed my diet over the last few days and have I upped my protein...who knows...Also I have only gone to the gym twice so far this week... On Monday I was knackered and on Tuesday I was knackered as hardly slept due to the OVERNIGHT roadworks happening just outside my house from 7pm to 7am for the next 11 NIGHTS.....words do not cover how annoying it is...!!

I am really annoyed that I have gone back up weight wise.... I am so tired of it...realistically in the 6 months I have been doing this I have lost 7lbs which isn't much and actually nearly al of that happened in 2 weeks while in Cameroon. Just tired of being this person... I need to realise that the old me has to die to allow the person I want to be to come through... I have never felt this as much ... upon my return from my weekend in Oxford...(where I used to live)... I had a good time and it was good seeing my 2 friends... but I went out and drank too much and then am concerned that I made a tit out of myself...saw people that I didn't particularly want to see and returned to a life where towards the end I really wasnt happy and had alot of unfinished emotions... This in turn has made me feel a bit doubtful of who I am and am now asking the big questions.. who am I really.. what direction am I going in... am I nice person or a bit of an idiot..am I secure in myself..(obviously not)...and why not...how can I become who I want to be...

I know that alot of people will read this going.. chill out.. you are who you are.. but I don't really believe that... when I was 16 and a half stone I was not the person I wanted to be... when I couldn't buy clothes because nothing fitted and nothing looked good.. that is not who I want to be... when I was embarrassed by my size and hid away from people and felt worthless...that is not who I want to be... I think part of me does need to chill out in regards to personality and stop looking at skinny people and wishing I could be like them.. we all know that the prettiest person might have the dullest personality or might be incredibly mean and that in turn makes them ugly...I need to release the power that I feel other peoples opinions have on me... when I look at my life.. I have a loving family and a fiance who loves me is happy with me and wants to marry me...and I am equally in love with him as he is with me.. so that's a pretty good going... I don't know why I feel just so un-content with myself and have just so many questions running around my head... I know that even when I get to my goal weight I might not feel content... I think I will feel alot more content than I am now as alot of my head problems are due to appearance and size... anyway.. I could go on and on.... 

Hows everyone else doing?

Weigh In - 08.07.13

I am still here and still going strong... I just am so busy at the moment and haven't had time to blog which is so sad!!!

 

This morning I got on the scales and saw a drop of 3lbs - so weighed in at 186lbs...so very very pleased about that... now it's just a case of continuing to see a loss. Last week I went to the gym every day Monday to Friday and did 30mins of cardio each day... I have to admit come Friday I was knackered... truly knackered. I have returned to not snacking in between meals however the alcohol is still a problem. We drank nearly every night and when I was looking through my food diary I was noticing that whenever there was a meal with a high amount of calories it was due to wine or champagne.

 

Over the weekend I went back to Oxford to see some friends and we went for dinner and drinks...of course the drinks turned into a magnitude of drinks and I was feeling to rough the next day... the funny thing is that more and more I don't enjoy drinking... actually let me re-phrase that - I don't enjoy the effect drinking has... even after 2 large glasses of wine with Biggy I change, I don't become horrible or anything but I just don't feel straight in my head and just find myself not thinking rationally... also my sensitivity goes right down if you catch my drift and that I really don't appreciate....

 

This week both Biggy and I have said that we are not going to drink this week (and yes I know I always say this) but I really do want to cut it out...not totally but really make a effort to only drink on special occasions...and no that does not include just because it's a Friday night... today I went out and bought a Detox plan that you add to your water and it's supposed to really Detox your insides... you add some of the solution to 1.5L of water and then drink it...it makes your water look like sewage water as it goes quite a weird brown but it's supposed to clean out your insides....  it tastes ok - this is what it has in it:

 

Artichoke and Birch: Support the activity of the liver

Dandelion, Green Tea and Birch: Support the Cleansing function of the Kidneys

Tamarind: Promotes intestinal transit

Fennel: Promotes good digestion

Wild Pansy: Contributes to a clear complexion

 

This morning I didn't make it to the gym as I was just still so tired from Saturday night (bed at 4.30am-up at 9am) but will be going for the rest of the week and will add an extra session in on Saturday to make up for today...

Return of the Gym

Well I did it...Monday morning...my alarm went off at 6.10am... and by 6.30am I was sitting outside the gym waiting for it to open so I could go in and work my butt off.... I managed 30mins on the cross trainer and then did 30 squats ( killer) 30 press ups on the ball, 30 criss-cross kicks and then went for a shower... all in a days work! Lol! The criss-cross kicks where something I saw on Pinterest and I can defo feel them... it works your core and abs and I was really struggling to do more than 10 at a time...

 

 

 

Today I did 30 mins on the bike and then some criss-cross.. I didn't have time to do more as it did take me slightly longer to get up this morning.. but I still went and still worked hard...so pleased very pleased with that...

 

It's so funny because actually I love the gym, that feeling after a work out is so good and seeing all the sweat allows you to have the knowledge that you worked out  and beats all the negative thoughts out of your head. I realised that it's so good for your body-image as yesterday and today I have been feeling good about myself and my body as I know I am making the change to better myself and my body is capable of a hard workout.. Yesterday and today I also hit my Fitbit goals for the day so completed over 10,000 steps and covered 5 miles which is great...

 

 

 

 

 

Foodwise I have kept within my -500calorie deficit target for both days which I am really pleased about, had a really healthy lunch yesterday of Basil-infused Tofu (amazingly nice) chickpeas, cherry tomatoes, cucumber and lettuce an today had the rest of the tofu, chickpeas and avocado.

 

 

 

Last night was a bit of a cheat night for dinner as I got home and a bath was run, a bottle of champagne on ice and a bowl of strawberries...so had all of that (well half the bottle of course) and then had steak and salad for dinner...last night I was actually feeling a little tipsy as after the champagne I had a glass of red and towards the end of the night I was hating it.. I find that now when I drink it just isn't the same and although I love a glass of two even that feeling of tipsy is too much for me...especially when it' just the 2 of us as I can feel myself changing and not in control, my emotions aren't true and I hate that....

 

Anyway...I'm going off on a tangent.. to sum it up... I totally feel like I am back to where I was a few weeks ago when I was losing weight, focused and going to the gym...