Money, Moolar, Dinero, Dosh

I am feeling incredibly low today all because of that thing that can bring so much pleasure and so much worry to your life. It's pay day, whoop whoop...  but before you know it it has all disappeared from your account and yet again you are facing 4 weeks or not having any money. Now this is all my own fault as the last few months my spending habits have got out of control I didn't save when I could have and am now broke.

Biggy and I split one salary and save the other as we are saving to buy a house. We are very lucky that normally our outgoings aren't very high because we live with my parents. So although we are both paid well and if we were not saving I would be laughing... we actually don't have that much money.

I have always had problems keeping my money in check. Always even when I was a teenager and I had an allowance I would go "whoopee money...spend spend spend" and then guess what... no money left and still 2 weeks to go until I get my next allowance. It is a problem that has caused to many arguments in my life with my parents, with Biggy and it is just an embarrassing and shameful problem to have. I am 26 and STILL can not keep my money organised.

The worse thing is is that Biggy is an accountant so he of course is AMAZING with money. He can control his expenses and save money even though I go through mine like its sand. The worse thing is I am so ashamed sometimes that I actually lie to Biggy about my finances. Last night he found out that I hadn't paid my father back for a car service even though I said I had and the money I had said I was going to give him I had actually used. Biggy was so angry and quite rightfully so. Why should I go out and spend money on things I don't really need when he really watches everything he spends and still gives me extra at the end of the month because I have not Budgeted. Its a ridiculous situation to be in especially as we make good money (not great but not bad).

It just seems that every month there has been something big to pay for. This month is my friends wedding and so am having to get a few things for that and will probably spend around £300 in total when you include, gift, bridesmaid shoes, taxi's etc. I am not even getting a new outfit as I cant afford it and have to see if I still have a dress from when I was 18 and if it will fit. Then on top of that I have some flights to pay for as we are going on holiday next month, I have to pay for my road tax, I have to pay for Admin fees before we move into our new place for contracts, I have to pay for my rent, phone bills ... the list just goes on and on and on. I calculated that today.. the day I get paid... £700 will be leaving my account to pay for things. That leaves me with very little money for the month.

I don't think I will be joining the gym this month which makes me extra depressed as I was so so so looking forward to it and was hoping I would be able to go and it would keep me focused on all things, give me something to do and enjoy in my spare time and now instead I will be stuck wishing desperately that I could go swimming but not being able to afford it.

As a result of all this stress and depression my food intake today has been just an absolute sham... if anybody wants to see emotional eating at a point blank range.. here it is!

Hunger Hunger Go Away

Firstly, I have had a little play around with the blog set up? What do you think of the new look? I like it,  I think it is more involved.

 

I am so hungry today. Do not know why. I got on the scales today and yesterday and guess what I saw... 201.6lbs! I was so happy! Just need to keep it there or see it get lower. Also today I discovered I can pull down my suit skirt without undoing it! When I bought the skirt just over 6 months ago it was tight so I am really pleased about that. The problem is that the skirt is now sitting really low on my hips so I really need to check when I bend over or am sitting down in the office!!!!

 

 

 

Today I am starving and noticed it was the same yesterday, I don't really know why but think it may be because I didn't eat very well on Monday and yesterday and today I have had chocolate so have got all that "bad food" nutrition whizzing around me. In the office kitchen we have a few snack sizes of Cadburys chocolate like Crunchies and flakes etc and I have been eating them. They are only 80 calories a bar but that isn't the point. I notice that when I have had one I want more and not just for that day but for awhile after. I know alot of people say that these kind of foods are like a drug and take awhile to get out of your system. The good things is that they are nearly all gone and once they have gone I won't have anymore. I am 100% the kind of person that if it there I will eat it and if it is not there is out of my mind.

 

Last night I also had a small revelation, I cooked what I thought would be a healthy dinner for me and Biggy and when I sat down I looked at it and realised that in essence it was healthy but the way I had cooked it made it quite unhealhty. The problem is that our kitchen where we live at the moment is tiny and we have the very basic implements. We have a tiny oven but no grill and there is only space to cook one dish at a time,we also have 3 gas rings but one doesn't work...that is it.

 

I cooked vegetables in the oven, carrots, aubergine and peppers with garlic (LASHED IN OLIVE OIL) served with baby potatoes thinly sliced and fried with onion (FRIED IN OIL) and pork medallions (FRIED IN OLIVE OIL)

 

When I sat down to eat all I really saw was OIL! When we move into the flat I will be able to cook alot healthier as what I should have done is Steamed the vegetables, cooked the pork in the oven and I would have still fried the potato but my oil intake would have been more than halved so would have been ok!

 

Tonight I need to be extra good with dinner as I did over do it at lunch with the chocolate but we are going over to the flat to paint so will hopefully burn some extra calories doing that. Then the plan is to be super good tomorrow and over the weekend so on Monday I can see 200lbs. I tell you when I see that on the scales it will be such a big achievement for me. It will mean I am saying goodbye to the 200's for ever and welcoming with open arms the 100's.

 

I think that sometimes I don't realise what I am achieving. I read a number of other blogs or articles where people have lost over 100lbs and I think wow, well to have lost 20lbs or so is nothing. But it is. I am at my half way point, in fact I am over my half way point (by 4oz) and 20lbs is alot of weight. I don't want to blast my own trumpet but those of us on a journey have to remember to celebrate the little wins and not just focus on the end goal...especially me!

 

 

How is everybody else doing? What are the plans for the weekend?

Grapefruit ... will it REALLY make me lose lbs?

I read in the new issue of "Women's Health" magazine that  a recent study found that people who eat 1 grapefruit a day without alltering any other part of their diet on average lost 12lbs in 10 weeks...you have my attention!!

Now obviously although I know there is no easy option if there is something that will potentially help me loose weight and it's healthy I will have ago! I have never really eaten grapefruit before, I have always thought they were quite sour and not that nice. When I was shopping at the weekend with my Mother I got 2 as I asked her what is the difference between a normal grapefruit (white) and the others that are red and pink. We got one pink and one normal. I have now tried both and by miles prefer the pink. The white one is so sour I almost popped an eye ball out from the shock it gave me!! I now want to try the red as logic would say that if the pink was sweeter then the red must be more sweeter.

I know in the 60's/70's there was the Grapefruit Diet where people just ate grapefruit and lost weight from it but I wont be doing anything like that as a) they are so sour and acidic that it really can't be good for your teeth and b) there just isn't enough in them to fill me up! No way!

Grapefruit is an excellent source of many nutrients and phytochemicals that contribute to a healthy diet. Grapefruit is a good source of vitamin C,^[18][29] contains the fiber pectin,^[30] and the pink and red hues contain the beneficial antioxidant lycopene.^[18][31] Studies have shown grapefruit helps lower cholesterol,^[18][32] and there is evidence that the seeds have antioxidant properties.^[33] Grapefruit forms a core part of the "grapefruit diet", the theory being that the fruit's low glycemic index is able to help the body's metabolism burn fat.^[

This week I am totally toally broke as it is the last week before pay day so on Friday will go out and buy some grapefruit for the week and see what happens....hopefully it will help move those pounds!!!

ONLY 2 DAYS TILL I JOIN THE GYM!!!

 

 

"My Big Fat Fetish" - Or Not ...

On Friday night I was quite bored so was looking through 4OD for something to watch and came across "My Big Fat Fetish" now I will admit I love all health, diet programmes such as "Secret Eaters", "Biggest Looser" etc and though this looked quite interesting. It was interesting but it also made feel so disgusted and repulsed and actually quite angry.

 

It is a programme about women mainly in America but also increasingly in the UK, whose aim is to get obese and in some cases morbidly so. Now I know that everybody has the right to live the way that they want and what some people find makes them happy others won't. I know that some people will look at me and be disgusted by my eating habits and lifestyle etc and I really don't want to insult anybody or offend people with this post. However...

 

It makes me so so so angry to see these women putting their bodies through so much turmoil when everything around us is proving that as nations we are becoming increasingly overweight which causes health problems and in extreme cases death. I know that in the past I have not lead a healthy life style and so am in no position to really preach but when I see a woman of my age saying that her aim in life is to get up to 300lbs it makes me really angry.

 

 

All the women earn money from their looks by having websites and posing for photos and so in essence are "glamour models" however they also do live chats with fans, in these they are tasked with eating in front of the camera and not salads but buckets of fried food and the greasier it is the better for the "fans". They also get involved in some sexual situations on the web chats via text or camera so really they are not "glamour models" but are prostitutes as they do use their body to earn money. One of the women, who can hardly move, also talks about how she charges up to $250 an hour to sit on top of people and in the film you see one man laying down with her sitting on top of him pretty much crushing him. I just don't get it it all. I know for the women it is a sexual thing and for them is a huge part of their love lives but I just do not understand it.

 

 

I think for me one of the most disturbing part is where this girl was videoing a fantasy that she has had for along time and it involved her boyfriend and was filmed professionally for her website. She hooked up a funnel and a hosepipe that was above her and was tied up. She then wanted her boyfriend to feed her 3 litres of ice cream and full fat milk mixed together through the tube. In the scenes you actually see her almost gagging on it. For her, she says that this gives her the same satisfaction and enjoyment as climaxing. Now I have to say I do not understand this part and what I especially don't understand is the relationship between these women and their boyfriends that are otherwise known as the feeders. The men, or apparently sometimes women, get enjoyment from feeding their partners and seeing there bodies grow. They love seeing the fat on the bodies and they love the idea of their partners being totally reliant on them because they are to fat to move. Ironically so many times the boyfriends are really skinny and almost look undernourished.  For me personally you can see so many issues here that are not just physical but mental as well. The turning point is when one woman who has done this for years is now in the situation that she can not move at all and relies on her SON to look after her every need which includes washing her and cleaning her after she has gone to the loo.... HER SON. Do these people not see what they are doing to their bodies and they sheer pressure they are putting on their bones and organs let alone the lifestyles they are imposing on those around them.
 

From a personal point of view I also do not understand how these women can be  happy with their body and think that they are attractive. I know that this is a harsh thing to say and alot of my thought on this will be based on my own body hang ups. But how on earth can these women pose of the camera in their bikinis or tights and say I love every inch of my body, it is perfect. I do not mean to offend anybody by saying this and if you are happy I know that is what matters and if you are truly happy with your body and I mean truly happy then of course that is your choice. But when I see these women and they can not walk properly down the road and wobble from side to side and are not worried about thier health, are not ashamed when walking down the street in the shortest dresses and being stared at I just can not conceive that they are happy. I think, are you happy and you want to be fat or is it really that you are not happy but you think it is too difficult and too much hard work to do anything about it and instead they have found this world where they are accepted so take the easier route and continue living in a world whee they are not judged but are embraced for being overweight. If this is the case I do understand that, I don't think it's right but I understand that it could be easier to enter into a world where you are not judged rather than deal with the up hill battle of being overweight and trying to do something about it. But then I think if you had an ounce of respect for yourself you would do something about your weight and turn it around to have a body you can truly be proud of and not only a body you can be proud of but a lifestyle you can be proud of as well where you can do everything and anything you wanted.

 

I know that all of the people who are overweight, including me, have demons to face and have a unhealthy relationship with food, if we didn't none of us would be trying to loose weight in the first place or allowed ourselves to get to a state that made us sit up and go, "No this has gone too far". But I do not think it is right for this lifestyle to be embraced or for people like the feeders to be allowed to continue what they do. This is in every way having an impact on society, this image gives the message that it is OK to be overweight, to eat until you are so full you are sick, that you don't have to worry about your body and you can push it to the limit until you have to have major surgery or die all because you do not appreciate or understand your health and well being.

Monday Weigh In - 27.08.12

Sorry for not posting yesterday, it was a bank holiday and although I was totally meaning to post I actually forgot! Weighed in yesterday at 203lbs. I am happy with that as I had put on weight over my birthday weekend so it is good to be back to starting weight again. I had hoped to have lost a bit more but I am happy with 203. At the weekend I did eat more than normal so need to be extra good this week and really push to see 200 on Monday.

 

On Friday Biggy had the idea of having a fish and chips, which I was ok with as I really didn't want to cook. I went down and got a medium portion of chips, large cod and mushy peas. I had about 1/4 of the chips and half the cod as well as my Mushy peas. It was nice but to be honest I didn't actually enjoy it that much and later in the evening I just felt that I had oil and fat running through me. Not a nice feeling at all. Also watched a programme that actually made me want to hurl, but I am so disgusted by it it will deserve its own post.

 

Saturday I had a really nice day, I spent it mainly with my parents as Biggy was away. I went shopping in the morning and my Mother and I had a very nice breakfast of wholemeal toast, scrambled egg and smoked salmon which was yummy and then in the afternoon had a salad while painting some of the flat ( 2 more weeks until we are in). In the evening I wasn't going to eat anything but my parents asked me down for dinner and a movie. They ordered a Chinese which I was a bit unsure about as obviously its not very good for you but I had a WonTon soup to start and ordered a starter size of Chicken Satay. When it arrived I was A) shocked it how much food my parents had ordered and B) the size of the chicken satay skewers. When I looked at the satay it was just swimming in oil and all sauce looked just full of fat. I took 2 skewers but actually only had one as they were just so so big! I am noticing that my love of fried food and greasy food is diminishing, sometimes I have relapses but then really regret it.

 

Sunday I wasn't very good as had a chrizo sandwich as Biggy had bought fresh bread on his way home and it just smelt so good. Then in the evening we cooked a Shepard's pie with sweet potato on top instead of normal potato and I also added some chick peas in with it. It was really yummy but I had quite a big portion and also had cheese on top of it. I also had an ice cream after and some red wine. Normally on  Sunday night I try and not eat too much as I know I have weigh in but I was in the Bank Holiday mind frame so obviously failed here.

 

Monday is where it all fell apart and I did something really really really stupid and really a little worrying. I had another chrizo sandwich for breakfast and not because I wanted it but because it was there and I knew I could have it without any judgement because nobody was around. Then we were out and about with my parents getting things ready for the flat and we stoped and had a McDonald's. Then (and this is where it gets really bad) when I got home I still wanted something sweet and I opened a packet of Weight Watchers Carrot Cakes .... I had one and then I had the whole packet. All 6 of them. I sat there and I ate them so quickly, looking around so nobody would see or catch me. Now how F***ed up is that?? Biggy then came home and we cooked dinner and I still ate, I was thinking, oh do you know what actually I won't have dinner... but did I follow through with that did I hell. It was like the flood gates had opened.. I started my day off wrong and I just continued...almost acting like it was my last supper which is just so so stupid!

 

This when I do worry about my relationship with food, most of the time I am in control but sometimes I just go all out and eat like I am famished and what makes it worse is when I am eating I know I don't truly want it. I do think about why am I eating and is it emotional.. yesterday it wasn't. I don't know why I did it. I am happy about everything, not worried ... I just eat because I can and I had already had bad food. I know when you eat "bad" food it triggers something in you mind and is almost like a drug, once you have a had a little you want more and more. Does this ever happen to anybody else? Is it normal? Why oh why can I not just have a normal reaction to food?

Can I Wear A Sign Around My Neck??

OMG I can not believe it is Friday already! Where on earth has this week gone??? It does scare me that the older you get time just seems to fly by! Today has been good so far, had a lush lunch from Marks and Spencer's of 6 Teriyaki Beef Salad Bites - it's quite filling but so low in calories its great. This is the description: Beef marinated in teriyaki sauce with cucumber, beetroot, red cabbage, cooked free range egg noodles and red peppers hand wrapped in thinly sliced mooli served with cucumber and sweet soy dip. A grand total of 175 calories... how good is that! I also had a low fat sweet chili dip and prawns which are 150 calories so had a very filling and tasty lunch for 325 calories.

Last night I was at one of my best friends house as we had to go and try on our bridesmaids dresses (which are beautiful and fit so well) and we had a really good dinner. We had homemade Dahl /Dal, I have never had it before but it was really yummy and quite filling. Apperntly its very healthy for you as its lentils, it was served with rice ( I halved my portion) and salad, had lots of salad and have to admit I did have a second helping of the Dahl. I think I definitely need to get my cookery books out when we move into the flat and wake up my imagination. There are so many yummy recipes you can cook with healthy food but it is just knowing how and also where to get good ingredients. I wish we lived in an area where there were lots of local independent fruit, veg, meat shops as I find the range of food is so much better than you local chain supermarket. Something to defo start looking into!

Last night also we were supposed to start learning a dance that we have to perform for my friends wedding, we only got around to learning one dance move that we knew already because we chatted so much, but we were talking and my friends are really really supportive saying that I am doing so well but I could not help feeling really large. Both my friends are quite thin and I never feel conscious around them or ashamed ( they have seen me naked enough times for me to not worry about it) but there were other people there and they were all quite thin and had good figures and I cant stop feeling like the "fat one". Now I know I am doing the right thing and I am loosing weight and I am doing well BUT I sometimes wish that a) I could have a pill that makes me thin straight away and b)I  could wear a sign around my neck saying "Don't worry, I am loosing weight I have lost 20lbs so far, the fat person you are looking at is not the person I want to be, I do care about my figure and looks!"  I know I sound a bit crazy but I do get ashamed that I have let my body get to such a state and I just really freak out when I think about what other people must be thinking about me. It is defo something I have to work on, my friend said to me again yesterday that she thinks I have a bad image of myself and I know I do, but I am confident in all things apart from my body and how people perceive me. Then I am I turn into a panicked mess of lard!!!!

Bored of Soup

Got on the scales this morning and guess what I saw... 203lbs!! Whoop Whoop! Back to my starting weight from last week. Hopefully it will keep on going down! Not getting on the scales again now until Monday as not at home tonight so can't look in the morning and I tend to not look at the weekends.

 

Normally at work I have soup with some crackers and light cheese(or now cottage cheese) with a yogurt or something for lunch .. but today I just really really didn't want it so instead went to Marks and Spencers and bought some low fat prawn cocktail to have with a pita. Now I ate all the cocktail as I am not in the office tomorrow and am not going to throw it away. But it amazes me how quickly you rack up calories without really eating anything. Now I did also have two snack size chocolates as I really really craved some and to be honest it was a mistake because as soon as I had one I regretted it as I wanted more... as in the whole bag. So I then had a yogurt to take away the taste which so far has worked! This is what I had for lunch and look how many calories I had (Calories in Red):

Waitrose - Essential White Pitta, 1 Pitta	150	30	1	6
Marks & Spencers Count on Us - Prawn Cocktail Reduced Fat, 200 g	270	8	18	20
Essential Waitrose - 1.5% Fat Cottage Cheese, 50 g	39	2	1	6
Cadbury - Crunchie Treat Size, 2 bar	172	26	6	2
Weight Watchers - Berry Fruits Layered Fromage Frais - Blackberry*, 1 pot (100g)	49	6	0	6
Add Food                                                                                                        Total= Quick Tools                                                                                                           Quick add calories Remember meal Copy yesterday Copy from date Copy to date Copy from which date? Wednesday, August 22 Tuesday, August 21 Monday, August 20 Sunday, August 19 Saturday, August 18 Friday, August 17 Thursday, August 16 Copy to which date? Sunday, August 26 Saturday, August 25 Tomorrow Today Yesterday Tuesday, August 21 Monday, August 20	680	72	26	40

 

In this fab cookery book I was given for my birthday it recommend if you want to lose weight to eat 1500 calories and then broke it all down to what you should eat and when. The book is really good its called the Italian Diet but it isn't a diet in the sense of loosing weight for a certain amount of time but is talking about actually adjusting your diet to the Italian way of food. The book has so many great recipes in it and I can not wait to start cooking them when we are in the flat. Anyway as you can see I went over the recommended amount to eat for lunch. I really want to try and stick to 1500. Should be easy enough but as usual I need to bring down my alcohol limit!

One other thing I did today which I think is ingenious was that I froze my Frommage Frais to give me frozen yogurt! I had one today at lunch and it was so good as just as tasty but you take your time over it and lasts alot longer. Bang.. there is a good idea!

Cottage Cheese

I cannot believe it is Wednesday already. I feel like I have just come back from London and instead we are nearly at the weekend again. I am feeling a bit better today as got on the scales and saw 204lbs which is good. If it keeps on going down then not far to go to 200 and it could actually be achieved!

Last night I had a healthy meal of CousCous and fish in a tomato sauce that Biggy cooked. Very nice. I also halved my portion of CousCous that was originally on my plate! The only problem is that I am quite hungry today but just going to focus on the end result!

My new fav food is Cottage Cheese, I tried it for the first time last week and quite liked it. I had always been put off by it because of the way it looks but I kept on hearing how good it was for helping weight loss as it makes you feel full and is low in calories so thought I would give it a go. I bought one from Waitrose and got the one that had garlic and chive in it. I was so worried about taking that first bite but actually it was good. Since then I have actually got a pot of just plain cottage cheese as then I can put what I want with it. My thing at the moment is PESTO. Got to love the pesto, I think it is the nicest flavour in the whole wide world, so I have a good helping of Cottage Cheese mixes with a small spoonfull of Pesto, it looks like I have just sneezed over my plate but it tastes divine!

I am a little dubious about having it with sweet things but have heard its very good so guess I will have to pluck up the courage and try it!

Other good news is that our builder for the flat is actually in all this week, we thought he was only going to be in for 2 days if that but can actually work all this week. He was also in for a few days last week. Yay! It could potentially mean we could be in sooner than we thought! Truly truly can not wait!

Feeling a bit Unmotivated

So yesterday's slim fast didn't go very well at all. I was good during the day and was then just starving so as soon as I got home literally stuffed my face! Was not a good look.... so think I will just stick to cereal and soup at work! I know that I have put on weight because of my birthday and I over indulged and ate quite a few things that I shouldn't have. I am just a little down today as I have put on 3lbs in the space of 2 days and it makes me think that although I am doing well and have lost weight why is it so easy for my body to put on weight so quickly. It is just not fair, I know that I still eat things I shouldn't or that are deemed as "naughty" but I don't that often and I try to really limit myself to what I eat and be good, but sometimes I just think whats the point I work so hard at loosing it and struggle and for what.. for my body to put it all back on in 48 hours. I won't loose that weight this week. Instead it will be another 3 weeks of trying before I am back to 203. I know that this isn't the fighting attitude I should have but I think a weekend of not watching everything I eat has made me realised how tiring it is to always be looking, counting, saying no. Now I am not going to stop, and I will reach my goal weight because my desire to have the figure I want is much bigger than my desire to eat all the things I want BUT I am acknowledging the fact that it is hard work and tiring.

I wanted to join the gym now as I am so desperate to be able to start exercising properly rather than not having the space or the equipment to do so but not going to be able to as my finance wont stretch to it this month. So the 1st of September I am in there.

My biggest worry is that I am waiting to join the gym and I am firmly believing that once have I have started doing more exercises I will start toning up really quickly but what happens if that  doesn't happen? What do I do to loose weight then? And what happens if before then I relax and start eating lots as I tell myself oh but in 2 weeks I will be going to the gym. So many questions and no answers!!

I think I need to give myself a focus... so right here it is. I want to be at 200lbs when I join the gym. I will hope that I can loose the extra weight I have put on this week which gives me 1 week to loose the extra 3lbs. It could be doable. It's big goal but if I could it would be a huge step in the right direction and would be such a good weight to start at for the gym. Come on Katherine.. get that positive attitude back please.. we don't give up.. we fight back!!! ( nothing like a good pep talk!)


I haven't done a photo on here for awhile and is something that I defo want to get back into. At work we have updated our photos on our Linkedin Pages so here is mine, I don't like it that much, shiny face, too much gum showing, frizzy hair and you can see my t-shirt underneath my dress which is really annoying... BUT no double chin which is always good!

Monday Weigh In - London Aftermath

Well no surprises have not lost weight and have gained. Today the scales read 206.3lbs. Do you know what... I am fine with it. I am not happy as obviously it is a gain but I ate so much over the weekend and had such a fab time that I really can not complain! So to compensate I am doing Slim-Fast this week as I want to get back to my starting weight of 203lbs. I know its not the best thing to do and I am not really looking forward to it but I know it will get the lbs down quickly. I am really really eager to get into the 100s.

London was great. So much fun and so many sights. Also alot of wine! We had a picnic in our hotel room on the Friday night, then on Saturday morning up early for a swim and a sauna in the hotel. In the morning we went to Borough Market which is a foodies heaven. We had a CAMEL burger... it was really good and bought some yummy mustard, tried some cider and I had a very nice glass of prosecco as well. Then in the afternoon off down Oxford Street, into Soho and China Town.

Saturday evening we went to a Medieval Banquet which was so good and lots of fun, also lots of red wine which was great. Biggy had also arranged for us to meet up with one of my best friends as a surprise which was so good and we had champagne and everything it was great!



St Katherines Docks

Sunday to be honest I was feeling rather "ill" however did go down to the hotel pool for an hour and a half and did do quiet a bit of swimming which was really nice and refreshing. We were going to stay in the city on Sunday but it was too hot and we were too hung over so went home and relaxed in the afternoon before having a huge Sunday dinner with my folks and lots of cake!

All in all a great great weekend and cant wait to move into the flat to allow us to go up to London more often! Will hopefully be joining the gym this week so can continue swimming, I was going to wait until we moved into the flat but I really want to continue now so am persuading Biggy to go and have a look at it this week at some point....YAY!

Nearly time for London!

Just a quick note today as have got lots to do to get ready for this evening! I got home last night and tried on my costume .... it fit which was a good sign. And it didn't look tooooooo bad. didn't look great but didn't look to bad either. Biggy is hoping his arrives today as their is no way in hell that I am going to do the fancy dress thing alone!

I am not going to lose any weight this week, mixed feelings as I really really want to but I know my birthday only happens once a year and so I should enjoy it and not beat myself up about it. I should enjoy myself (not go over the top) but not worry about it if I put on 1lb or 2. The thing I have found in the past is normally if you put on weight because of an occasion it is easier to loose as its normally because you have over eaten! So all I can do is enjoy my Birthday and then get on the scales on Monday and see what the damage is!

Only a few more weeks until I join the gym and I really really can not wait for that, feeling so ready to start doing exercise. Have a good weekend everybody and see you on the other side! xx

My Birthday is Amoungst Us

So its my birthday season. Have just been bought cake by the office. Was very yummy. I have the feeling that I wont really lose that much weight this week! But I am not going to beat myself up about it as my birthday only happens once a year.


 Biggy has planned a surprise Birthday for me but I managed to get it out of him last night... we are going to London on Friday night and staying in a lovely Hotel for 2 nights right in the docks so hopefully will have some fab views. Friday we will just chill out at the hotel and have dinner and then Saturday it will be a bit of shopping and people watching and then returning to the hotel early afternoon to use their spa facilities. We aren't having any treatments done but will be using the jacuzzi and steam room and sauna and things which will be lush!

THEN on Saturday night Biggy is taking me to a Medieval banquet dinner which involves a 4 course meal and entertainment, we need to dress up for it as well. Now I will be totally honest and openly say this kind of thing really isn't me. But I think it will be fun as Biggy and I will be together and there is unlimited wine and it's something different I am sure on the night I will get into the spirit of things and have a good time.



My Costume

We do have to dress up which I am slightly worried about as Biggy has ordered my costume and I'm not sure its going to fit, he is very sweet and doesn't realise quite how big I am. I am really self conscious about how I look and although very confident on the outside actually worry quite alot in my head about things, this is why last time when I was wearing a dress I broke down as I just cant handle thinking that I look like an idiot or people are looking at me and laughing or looking at me in disgust and then I really start to panic and tend to go slightly crazy! The only thing I can do however is take a big breath and wait to see how the costume fits on when it arrives. The good thing about it is that it does cover my arse but if the main skirt part doesn't fit then I will be in trouble.

On the Sunday I think we will go out and about and then back home in time for dinner with my parents.  All in all I am sure its going to be a really fun weekend. I don't think I am going to have time to Blog tomorrow but will tell you all on Monday.

Autumn and France

The weather in the UK is as usual, really rubbish today. Its windy and thunderstorms and heavy rain. However it make me think of Autumn and I LOVE Autumn. I think out of all the seasons it is the one I love the most. I think because in Autumn the weather normally settles down and you have such lovely fresh crisp days. My favourite is when its often sunny and blue skies but its quite chilly. When I was younger my parents used to take me to France every Autumn Half-Term for a weeks holiday in our Camper/Motorhome. I loved it. The leaves were all beautiful and you would find a cafe in a square somewhere and have a hot chocolate sitting outside in the lovely sunshine but with your coat on and get really toasty. I really miss those holidays, its funny as when I got a bit older - teens - I hated it. All I wanted to do was read my book or be back with my friends, I would love to do the same now!

I would love to go to Paris for a week as well this Autumn but we have already booked our holiday, we are going to Spain and I don't have any more holiday I can take. Maybe we could go in to Paris in February time or when things warm up a bit more.  I haven't been to France in ages, I do like it. All the hustle and bustle and the fresh baguettes and cheese and croissant. I think when Biggy and I are a bit more established in our lives we will see if we can buy a little bolt hole there.... but that is very much a dream in motion!

Anyway I am just looking forward to those nice fresh walks, and the days that you cuddle up in the warmth and read a book or watch a  good film. Role on Autumn please, I have had enough of a Summer that doesn't happen and when you don't know what to wear because one day its boiling and the next it's quite chilly. Or the evenings where its quite warm and you would love to sit outside but its raining so heavily you could shower in it!!

Lunch Time Madness

So I have small story to tell about yesterday's lunch. I was starving all morning and really fancied a french baguette so I was going to go to Waitrose and buy one of their yummy french baguettes, some ham and lettuce and some salad creme. Yum yum yum went my tum! But my hips and self determination said NO. So I stopped and went to Marks and Spencer's to get a healthy salad or some of their really good sushi range. Man oh man was I disappointed. The only sushi they had available was their snack pack which is tiny, veggie and £1 so really not alot to it and everything else was sandwiches or really high calorie salads. I was not best pleased and all this time I was getting hungrier and hungrier. I then went to look at their "Fuller for Longer" range (which is very good) but again high in calories for a lunch. So I was getting really annoyed... all the sandwiches just looked really boring and plain especially as I was really hungry.

I was running out of patience and time so in the end I got a coronation chicken sandwich a packet of crisps and a natural lemonade (all in the meal deal) and a chocolate bar. Do you know how many calories were in all of that.... 1169 calories.

Today I had my normal lunch of a whole can of soup (today had Chunky Pork, Bean and Tomato) with some Weight Watchers Oat and Wheat Crackers spread with low fat soft cheese and Onion and Chive Cottage Cheese followed by an apple and washed down with some water... do you know how many calories was in all of that... 407. Makes you think doesn't it. The funny thing is I felt really full afterwards, satisfied and I'm not going to lie and say it was the most amazing meal ever but it was more tasty than my sandwich especially seeing as it is lower in calories and I was left feeling satisfied after!

The more annoying things is that I was so annoyed that I used so many of my RDI and didn't even enjoy it that it left me in a bad mood when it came to dinner. I actually cooked myself something and then took 1 bite and threw it away as just didn't want it. I did however eat the ear of corn I had cooked and that was yummy! At the end of it...lesson is defo learnt!

Monday Weigh In - 13.08.12

Bang on 203lbs. I am very happy with that.  Was hoping I was going to see 202 as I weighed myself on Sunday and was reading 202.8lbs but then we did have a BBQ to celebrate the end of the Olympics... but very happy with 203. This week I have to be really really really good as its my birthday at the weekend. Biggy is taking me away for the weekend but I don't know where. All I do know is that I don't want to put any weight on after the weekend. I think it will be ok though as it is going to be just the 2 of us so no need to go overboard, having said that on the Sunday we are having dinner with my parents and we are having a Sunday roast... not so good for weigh in on Monday. But all I have to do is stay focused and keep going. The feeling of losing weight far out does the pleasure of eating "treat" foods.

The weekend was quite a relaxing one.... the sun did stay out so I sat outside on Saturday and Sunday which was really nice and now have a bit of a tan which is great. It also gave me some time to read "Fifty Shades of Grey" which is VERY kinky! But I have to say I don't really understand all the fuss about it. It is good but is no better than any other sexy book like  Jilly Copper or a Mills and Boon. There are so many chick flick sex type books out there and this one isn't much different.

What did everyone think of the closing ceremony for the Olympics? I though it was really good. Lots of music which is always a crowd pleaser. I was excited to see the Spice Girls but then was left slightly disappointed, I think because you can tell that some want to be there, some NEED to be there and one really really doesn't want to be there! Victoria Beckham did look terrified when holding on to the taxi when it was moving!!!!!

This week nothing major going on, Biggy is getting his car this evening! Yay! And my main focus is my Birthday!!! I love Birthdays, I really want to know where we are going this weekend but Biggy wont tell me. This is my first surprise Birthday so very excited! 

Have a good week everybody, I might do 2 mini weigh ins this week, Friday and Monday as I want to know what I will weigh for my Birthday!

Friday... How I love thee!

Guess what .... the sun is actually shining in the UK! Can you believe it! It is so nice to see. If it stays out for the weekend I am going to kick back and relax and SUNBATHE! I am feeling really pasty at the moment so would love it if I can get a bit of a tan.

Biggy and I had a GREAT evening last night, he has been going for a a couple of interviews to change job and yesterday had a final interview for a fantastic job with a really good salary, in the evening the recruitment consultant called and offered him the role.... sooooo thrilled! Should start in 2 weeks, whoop whoop! We also went to go and see the flat last night... it is looking amazing, there is still quite a bit of work to do but OMG .... I can not wait to move in. Its going to be great. The bathroom is HUGE, the kitchen is so light and airy and is a really good size and the open plan things just makes everything seem so big! The mezzanine is a little scary at the moment as it is seems really high up and there is no banister or stair railing in yet but it is going to look just amazing. I am actually getting so so so so so excited!



The other thing I am getting excited about is joining the gym, I just cant wait to get into a routine and start feeling like I am actually doing something for my body. I have ordered this swimming  costume.. (eek) and some goggles and a cap. I also want to get those waterproof MP3 players for swimming as otherwise I think it could be quite boring. I could listen to a play or something like that while doing lengths! The trouble is that they are quite expensive - around £60 which isn't to bad but seeing as you can pick a normal one these days for like £10 its quite alot.


I just feel like everything is coming together now after a year and half of waiting. I am really happy in my job and recently got a pay increase, Biggy has got a great new job with a GREAT pay increase  (I can not believe he has only been working professionally for 6 months and has already outranked me in salary), after all the stresses of house hunting we are finally moving into our own place which is going to look amazing and on top of that we will be saving so much money, Biggy will stop working in the bar at the end of August so we can actually spend weekends together, my weight is going down (weighed in at 203lbs this morning), I am getting so much better in regards to eating habits and focusing on my body and once I have joined a gym I will be really making myself into the best I can be.

Biggy is working tonight but not starting till late so will go home, have a quick tidy up, relax with him a bit and then watch Bridesmaids in bed! Can not wait! Tomorrow morning I think (weather depending) I will do a mini work out outside, sunbathe and then maybe later in the afternoon go down to the river and take a walk and then maybe have a picnic.

See you on the other side for Weigh-In... really want to see 203/202lbs on the scale. If I hit 202 it means I will be bang on a 20lbs loss.