Taking the power away from food…

I was thinking yesterday about food and the power it has over me.. I get frustrated that I keep on failing and it always relates back to the food I have eaten. I feel like it is a basic mistake to make and at this stage of my journey I really shouldn’t be making it.. I told you how the other day I ate 6 pieces of toast and in my head I was actually thinking “eat as mush as possible now and then nobody will know about and then you can eat MORE when it’s dinner time”.. food is literally addictive to me and holds such a power over me..  I look at it like gold… but only the “bad” stuff…. I don’t look at a carrot and think… “OMG..give it to me now” but with cake, cookies, crisps etc I end up having to throw it out as if I have one I end up having the whole pack.. and I know it should be easy to just not have one in the first place but that little demon is saying you can have one.. it’s ok you will be able to stop this time…  

I need to look at food differently, stop it having it’s golden glow. Don’t get me wrong I still want to enjoy food and cook lovely dishes and still treat myself from time to time but not look at food as the be all and end all of my life…which at the moment it is.. I’m not happy with my figure due to the food I have eaten, I monitor the food I eat every day, I think about what I am eating for the next meal so I can plan… I am ALWAYS thinking of food.  All the bad stuff, the high sugar and fat is always calling my name. If on Monday I had had a skinny Pizza would I have enjoyed it any less… no.. would I have really missed having a dessert… last night did I really need to eat those crisps when I got home and did I really need to have the dessert Biggy bought or could I have just said no and moved on. Why can’t I realise that if I don’t eat the food then and there I will still be alive the next day and if the next day I think gosh you know what.. I really do want that..#insert crappy food here#… I can still have it.  

Today I got on the scales and I am 2lbs up… and that’s all because of the small stupid mistakes I make day to day that by themselves don’t amount to much but all add up…and so far has resulted in not one good eating day this week… If I want to ever get below 182lbs (which at the moment I think is impossible) then I need to stop doing this and stop giving power to food that I then regret moments later.  I have come so far to give up now.. and it’s not even becoming about the scales anymore it’s more and more becoming about being healthy and happy with myself, and I know the answer to that is eating well and exercising regularly.. as I then and only then can I have no regrets and can’t have fat days or negative images of myself as I will have no reason to have those thoughts as I will be doing everything right… and that includes having a treat time to time. 

Binge Fest...

Hi all, so how is everyone doing? I was doing fine... until today. Weighed in yesterday back to 182 which I am pleased about especially as I had 4 days of quite heavy eating as I explained last time. I have gone back to the gym which I am really pleased about as well. I started doing HIIT training and did really well on the running machine. 

Anyway...today wasn't a very good day... I just totally binged and its so awful. I know why it happened and how... I forgot my Veg juice which I was really annoyed about as I had made a really yummy one... I am really organized and make everything the night before, I get my clothes ready for the next day and my gym bag all set ready to go so I have no excuses...anyway... I went to the gym... had a great run and then went to work but didn't have anything for my breakfast as thought I had packed a breakfast bar, but I had forgotten that and couldn't have my juice early as had forgotten that as well... anyway... I then had to go out and get some lunch and got a salad.. I got a smoked salmon and avocado salad and asked for some sundried tomatoes with it..a gluten free brownie and an apple... I didn't need the brownie but there was lots of choice and while I was waiting for the lady to make my salad I was looking around... If I hadn't looked around I wouldn't have picked it up (FIRST MISTAKE) then when I got back to the office I opened up my salad and it was literally dripping in oil..I actually had to tilt my plate and soak it all up with some kitchen paper. It was awful... 

Then I think the brownie kind of induced a further sugar craving and I ended up having a big slice of chocolate cake, it was a girls birthday in the office, I knew I didn't need it but ate it anyway... (SECOND MISTAKE)... then when I got home I don't know what was wrong with me but all I could think was "eat before anyone comes home and sees" ... so I had 6 slices... yes SIX slices of toast with butter and jam and then 2 Ferrero Rocher (THIRD MISTAKE) 

I don't know what was wrong with me.. even now as I sit here I feel sick from eating so much and can feel the fat of the butter in my stomach and mouth but at the same time keep on thinking of food.... I know that if I had remembered my juice this morning then none of this would have happened....but I did and then I couldn't control myself... I know that I can't have bad things in the house... I throw biscuits out if I know that I can't contain myself etc and try not to put myself in a position where I am going to be tempted... But I just think why after all this time can I still not control myself... and why am still sitting at 182lbs...( well I know why... Its all the fricking toast I have eaten today!)... 

There is a girl in the office who has lost 49lbs in a 12 months...and here am I 42lbs down, still struggling to control binges, still struggling with  getting below 182lbs, still gaining and losing and have been doing it for 18 months.... what's wrong with me... why can't I focus and sort it all out for the final time??? 

HUGE Catch Up

Well hello there! So sorry for going AWOL for awhile! I have started a new job so as you can imagine I have been very busy the last week and I haven't had my usual time to be able to blog..but going to make sure that I now blog when I come home from work.

So what's been happening with me? To be honest quite alot... last Saturday I watched a program called "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead"which was quite bizarre as I had recently read about it a couple of days before in my UK Women's Health Magazine. Anyway I wanted to watch it and see what all the fuss was about...and to sum it up very briefly, it's a guy who was quite overweight and also had a sickness where he was on quite alot of medication and had been predicted that if didn't things changes he would not have alot longer to live. After going to a number of doctors who couldn't help him he decided to take things into his own hands and go on a  special diet...now what he doesn't explain is how he decided what diet to do.. but anyway...he Juiced Veg and Fruit for 60 days straight and by the end of it had come off his medication, reduced all signs of his illness and had reached his range for a healthy weight...

He came off all the crap he had been eating to "Re-boot" his system and never at any point did Joe (Joe Cross) say that this was a lifestyle or a continual way of life...but to look at it as a way to reboot your system, break habbits and ween our body off unhealthy foods. I decided that I really wanted to try it... I don't eat enough vegetables or fruit and definitely don't get my 5 a day so even if I just added a Juice in to my diet along with everything else I couldn't see it doing me any harm... So the last week I have been doing my own version of Joe's reboot and do you know what... I feel excellent.

I started last Saturday and weighed in at 186lbs...and I did the Juicing up to Friday evening.... this is what I have been doing.... I have a Protein shake in the morning with a glass of Juice, Followed by Juice for Lunch and then a Veg Soup with extra beans or a tortillia or something in the evening. I stood on the scales on Friday morning and was back at 182lbs so I was really pleased... I also was feeling great. 

Now Joe did this juicing for 60 straight days but I don't want to as I do want to bring this into my everyday life for the long term so my plan will be:

Mon: Protein + Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, Soup for Dinner

Tues:Protein+ Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, Soup for Dinner

Wed:Protein + Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, Light Dinner of Fish or White Meat with Veg

Thurs:Protein + Juicefor Breakfast , Juice for Lunch, Soup for Dinner

Fri:Protein + Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, My Choice

Sat: My Choice 

Sun: My Choice

Now so far I have been doing well on the Juicing, I have not missed a day and really enjoy making them. At the moment I am having a Protein shake in the morning but am going to see if I need to have proper protein (Bagel and peanut butter or egg and turkey) once I have returned to the gym. The one area that I have not been so good with was after this weekend... we had a family weekend mainly at my parents house so there was alot of food, then on Monday I had my juice in the day but in the evening we had another family evening which involved Cava, nibbles and a Dominos...then on Tuesday again I did all the juicing as planned in the day but had one of my best friends come over as I forgot her birthday (eek) so we had a fully blown evening last night as well. Tonight is going to be the first day that I have really stuck to the plan but the last two days are unusual as  normally during the week we stay in and it's just the 2 of us.  The good thing is that things could be alot worse if I hadn't stuck to my plan during the day..!!!

Now another area I have been really bad in since starting my new job is the GYM... So  stopped my last job about 2.5 weeks ago and had a 4 day weekend so I took a mini holiday and didn't go to the gym. On the Monday I started my new job after lunch so went to the Gym in the morning which was fine... but haven't gone to the gym since. Last week I was a bit weary of going to the gym and doing a full workout when I was starting the juicing as I didn't know how my body would feel. This week however I am feeling really good and am not worried at all about going to the gym.. but have I gone.. no... I am out of the habbit... it's taken less then 14 days for me to get out of my routine... I have set my alarm so many times to get up at 6.00am to go to the gym but then I wake up see how dark it is and change my alarm to give me an extra hour in bed. I hate it.. I really want to go and it's my own sheer will power that will get me there... the crazy thing is that I actually really miss it! I think a bit of it is becuase I haven't had the chance to blog (keeps me accountable), haven't been on Twitter as much (Keeps me inspired), haven't been on Pinterest much (Keeps me motivated) and haven't been reading all the health mag's on line (Keeps me up to date!) ANYWAY... tomorrow I am really going... I have packed my gym bag like I used to so everything is ready to go and have already made my juice for tomorrow so can just take it out of the fridge and go.... 

So here we are ... a mega catch up and lots of exciting things happening as usual...watch out for my tweet tomorrow morning from the gym straight after my workout! 

Still Here!!

Hi people....im still here...I had last Thursday and Friday off work and started my new job yesterday!  So much to take in and do...will check in later...but weight wise alk going well and back down to 182lbs!

Dark Mornings.. Worst Thing EVER

I went to the gym this morning but OMG it was hard work getting up..it was dark outside and I was so snug in my bed...that perfect temperature when you are really warm in bed but it's slightly chilly outside of bed. Love those moments... but it does make going to the gym the least appealing thing in the world. However I got up and pushed myself out and to the gym...this morning was my first day of my starting my toning exercise again and God it was hard. I forgot how hard..it didn't help either that this morning there were a few people in the gym.. normally I am the only one in the ladies area... I was so concious of looking like an idiot especially when I had to do burpees and was really struggling!  

Last night I didn't have any wine and was in bed by 10pm which was great. Biggy and I spoke about money though and I really need to cut back as I want to stop using my credit cards... so it means I can't buy a juicer this month which then means that I can't really juice as a blender wouldn't really work...would it? I might give it a go in a  blender and see what happens actually... anyway Tuesday and Thursday my target will be 1000 calories as that will still allow me to have a soup or something for dinner in preparation  for my run the next day and also means I only need to cut 1500 for the rest of the week. 

At the moment I am on track and still have just over 400cals for my evening meal... I will either have a soup or a big salad...not sure yet.... 

Looking forward to my run tomorrow morning... shock horror