Dear Diary

Hi! OMG... the first thing I have to say is just how much my thighs are hurting.. it hurts to sit down, to stand up, to walk, to go up stairs, to go down stairs it HURTS to do anything.. and that's all thanks to Squats! #NoPainNoGain I have started the 30 day Squat Challenge which sees you finishing on 250 Squats on Day 30... now due to the pain I am in right now.. I might stretch it to a 60 day Squat challenge as don't see the point in achieving 250 squats in one session but then not being able to do any for 3 months because my body is recovering!! 

I'm really pleased to report that I am really staying on track. I am still not counting calories but am logging what I have eaten and estimating at the end of the day. I have downloaded a App which is a cute diary, very girlie but perfect for what I want. I have set up 12 week events and am challenging myself to stay healthy for those 12 weeks which include over Christmas! They say it takes 12 weeks for the rest of the world to notice you have lost weight so am going to be living in 12 week batches until I am totally happy with my figure! 

Anyway...I write in the diary what workout I did, what I weighed in the morning, food for the day, Estimated Calorie Intake and then finish with if I had a Healthy Day or not. Although I'm writing things down I don't feel like I'm logging food and I only count up what I have had at the end of the day. I'm wanting to move away from being on a 'diet' and just move into the realm of Healthy Living without having to restrict myself to anything. I feel that this will actually stop me from going on binges as everything is accessible to me all day long... it's just my choice to be healthy. I feel that for me at this stage this is what I need. I managed to break a lot of habits and taught myself what healthy is from calorie counting etc... but now I need to move away from that. 

I have been on track with the gym as well this week which is great.. I went running on Monday and Tuesday and swimming today, then going running Thursday and Friday. Normally I would go to the gym at the weekend as well but this weekend I am having a party on Saturday night (#PartyTime) so won't have time to goon the Saturday and have people staying on the Sunday. 

I will be doing a write up on this new Protein Shake I am taking next time.. it's not paid or anything but is just really yummy and want to share it so check back soon to read it! 

The Return

Yes... I know.. I haven't been here for quite awhile... No particular reason why.. To be honest I have just wanted a break from things... It's been a bit up and down the last few weeks. Im still not under 182lbs.. and I don't think it's actually going to ever happen but I'm ok with that... The last few weeks I have shaken things up a bit and it was all fine for while but then put on a 5lbs from a very bad diet over about 10 days... I am now paying the price of it.  

I am no longer counting calories as to be totally honest I got fed up of constantly counting everything. I know what I should have and I know what I shouldn't have. I know how much I should have of things and know in principle what I should be doing it.. so it's time to just get on with it now. 

I have been doing well at the gym and feel like I am making progress there, even ran 2.7miles in 30mins the other day which I was really pleased with..when I get to 3miles in 30mins I will be quite proud of myself! 

Anyway.. the last few weeks haven't been great... but Im drawing a line under it and under my complaining and under my weakness and under my re-starts and under my failures. This whole lack of will power is a mental thing and if I can have the willpower to run and get up at 6.00am to go to the gym then I can damn well have the willpower to say no to food that realistically I am not going to miss if I don't eat it! 

I hope to be back blogging now I am settled into my job... but I'm done with complaining, and moaning. It will be positive thoughts, positive actions from here on in... 

Taking the power away from food…

I was thinking yesterday about food and the power it has over me.. I get frustrated that I keep on failing and it always relates back to the food I have eaten. I feel like it is a basic mistake to make and at this stage of my journey I really shouldn’t be making it.. I told you how the other day I ate 6 pieces of toast and in my head I was actually thinking “eat as mush as possible now and then nobody will know about and then you can eat MORE when it’s dinner time”.. food is literally addictive to me and holds such a power over me..  I look at it like gold… but only the “bad” stuff…. I don’t look at a carrot and think… “OMG..give it to me now” but with cake, cookies, crisps etc I end up having to throw it out as if I have one I end up having the whole pack.. and I know it should be easy to just not have one in the first place but that little demon is saying you can have one.. it’s ok you will be able to stop this time…  

I need to look at food differently, stop it having it’s golden glow. Don’t get me wrong I still want to enjoy food and cook lovely dishes and still treat myself from time to time but not look at food as the be all and end all of my life…which at the moment it is.. I’m not happy with my figure due to the food I have eaten, I monitor the food I eat every day, I think about what I am eating for the next meal so I can plan… I am ALWAYS thinking of food.  All the bad stuff, the high sugar and fat is always calling my name. If on Monday I had had a skinny Pizza would I have enjoyed it any less… no.. would I have really missed having a dessert… last night did I really need to eat those crisps when I got home and did I really need to have the dessert Biggy bought or could I have just said no and moved on. Why can’t I realise that if I don’t eat the food then and there I will still be alive the next day and if the next day I think gosh you know what.. I really do want that..#insert crappy food here#… I can still have it.  

Today I got on the scales and I am 2lbs up… and that’s all because of the small stupid mistakes I make day to day that by themselves don’t amount to much but all add up…and so far has resulted in not one good eating day this week… If I want to ever get below 182lbs (which at the moment I think is impossible) then I need to stop doing this and stop giving power to food that I then regret moments later.  I have come so far to give up now.. and it’s not even becoming about the scales anymore it’s more and more becoming about being healthy and happy with myself, and I know the answer to that is eating well and exercising regularly.. as I then and only then can I have no regrets and can’t have fat days or negative images of myself as I will have no reason to have those thoughts as I will be doing everything right… and that includes having a treat time to time. 

Binge Fest...

Hi all, so how is everyone doing? I was doing fine... until today. Weighed in yesterday back to 182 which I am pleased about especially as I had 4 days of quite heavy eating as I explained last time. I have gone back to the gym which I am really pleased about as well. I started doing HIIT training and did really well on the running machine. 

Anyway...today wasn't a very good day... I just totally binged and its so awful. I know why it happened and how... I forgot my Veg juice which I was really annoyed about as I had made a really yummy one... I am really organized and make everything the night before, I get my clothes ready for the next day and my gym bag all set ready to go so I have no excuses...anyway... I went to the gym... had a great run and then went to work but didn't have anything for my breakfast as thought I had packed a breakfast bar, but I had forgotten that and couldn't have my juice early as had forgotten that as well... anyway... I then had to go out and get some lunch and got a salad.. I got a smoked salmon and avocado salad and asked for some sundried tomatoes with it..a gluten free brownie and an apple... I didn't need the brownie but there was lots of choice and while I was waiting for the lady to make my salad I was looking around... If I hadn't looked around I wouldn't have picked it up (FIRST MISTAKE) then when I got back to the office I opened up my salad and it was literally dripping in oil..I actually had to tilt my plate and soak it all up with some kitchen paper. It was awful... 

Then I think the brownie kind of induced a further sugar craving and I ended up having a big slice of chocolate cake, it was a girls birthday in the office, I knew I didn't need it but ate it anyway... (SECOND MISTAKE)... then when I got home I don't know what was wrong with me but all I could think was "eat before anyone comes home and sees" ... so I had 6 slices... yes SIX slices of toast with butter and jam and then 2 Ferrero Rocher (THIRD MISTAKE) 

I don't know what was wrong with me.. even now as I sit here I feel sick from eating so much and can feel the fat of the butter in my stomach and mouth but at the same time keep on thinking of food.... I know that if I had remembered my juice this morning then none of this would have happened....but I did and then I couldn't control myself... I know that I can't have bad things in the house... I throw biscuits out if I know that I can't contain myself etc and try not to put myself in a position where I am going to be tempted... But I just think why after all this time can I still not control myself... and why am still sitting at 182lbs...( well I know why... Its all the fricking toast I have eaten today!)... 

There is a girl in the office who has lost 49lbs in a 12 months...and here am I 42lbs down, still struggling to control binges, still struggling with  getting below 182lbs, still gaining and losing and have been doing it for 18 months.... what's wrong with me... why can't I focus and sort it all out for the final time??? 

HUGE Catch Up

Well hello there! So sorry for going AWOL for awhile! I have started a new job so as you can imagine I have been very busy the last week and I haven't had my usual time to be able to blog..but going to make sure that I now blog when I come home from work.

So what's been happening with me? To be honest quite alot... last Saturday I watched a program called "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead"which was quite bizarre as I had recently read about it a couple of days before in my UK Women's Health Magazine. Anyway I wanted to watch it and see what all the fuss was about...and to sum it up very briefly, it's a guy who was quite overweight and also had a sickness where he was on quite alot of medication and had been predicted that if didn't things changes he would not have alot longer to live. After going to a number of doctors who couldn't help him he decided to take things into his own hands and go on a  special diet...now what he doesn't explain is how he decided what diet to do.. but anyway...he Juiced Veg and Fruit for 60 days straight and by the end of it had come off his medication, reduced all signs of his illness and had reached his range for a healthy weight...

He came off all the crap he had been eating to "Re-boot" his system and never at any point did Joe (Joe Cross) say that this was a lifestyle or a continual way of life...but to look at it as a way to reboot your system, break habbits and ween our body off unhealthy foods. I decided that I really wanted to try it... I don't eat enough vegetables or fruit and definitely don't get my 5 a day so even if I just added a Juice in to my diet along with everything else I couldn't see it doing me any harm... So the last week I have been doing my own version of Joe's reboot and do you know what... I feel excellent.

I started last Saturday and weighed in at 186lbs...and I did the Juicing up to Friday evening.... this is what I have been doing.... I have a Protein shake in the morning with a glass of Juice, Followed by Juice for Lunch and then a Veg Soup with extra beans or a tortillia or something in the evening. I stood on the scales on Friday morning and was back at 182lbs so I was really pleased... I also was feeling great. 

Now Joe did this juicing for 60 straight days but I don't want to as I do want to bring this into my everyday life for the long term so my plan will be:

Mon: Protein + Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, Soup for Dinner

Tues:Protein+ Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, Soup for Dinner

Wed:Protein + Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, Light Dinner of Fish or White Meat with Veg

Thurs:Protein + Juicefor Breakfast , Juice for Lunch, Soup for Dinner

Fri:Protein + Juice for Breakfast, Juice for Lunch, My Choice

Sat: My Choice 

Sun: My Choice

Now so far I have been doing well on the Juicing, I have not missed a day and really enjoy making them. At the moment I am having a Protein shake in the morning but am going to see if I need to have proper protein (Bagel and peanut butter or egg and turkey) once I have returned to the gym. The one area that I have not been so good with was after this weekend... we had a family weekend mainly at my parents house so there was alot of food, then on Monday I had my juice in the day but in the evening we had another family evening which involved Cava, nibbles and a Dominos...then on Tuesday again I did all the juicing as planned in the day but had one of my best friends come over as I forgot her birthday (eek) so we had a fully blown evening last night as well. Tonight is going to be the first day that I have really stuck to the plan but the last two days are unusual as  normally during the week we stay in and it's just the 2 of us.  The good thing is that things could be alot worse if I hadn't stuck to my plan during the day..!!!

Now another area I have been really bad in since starting my new job is the GYM... So  stopped my last job about 2.5 weeks ago and had a 4 day weekend so I took a mini holiday and didn't go to the gym. On the Monday I started my new job after lunch so went to the Gym in the morning which was fine... but haven't gone to the gym since. Last week I was a bit weary of going to the gym and doing a full workout when I was starting the juicing as I didn't know how my body would feel. This week however I am feeling really good and am not worried at all about going to the gym.. but have I gone.. no... I am out of the habbit... it's taken less then 14 days for me to get out of my routine... I have set my alarm so many times to get up at 6.00am to go to the gym but then I wake up see how dark it is and change my alarm to give me an extra hour in bed. I hate it.. I really want to go and it's my own sheer will power that will get me there... the crazy thing is that I actually really miss it! I think a bit of it is becuase I haven't had the chance to blog (keeps me accountable), haven't been on Twitter as much (Keeps me inspired), haven't been on Pinterest much (Keeps me motivated) and haven't been reading all the health mag's on line (Keeps me up to date!) ANYWAY... tomorrow I am really going... I have packed my gym bag like I used to so everything is ready to go and have already made my juice for tomorrow so can just take it out of the fridge and go.... 

So here we are ... a mega catch up and lots of exciting things happening as usual...watch out for my tweet tomorrow morning from the gym straight after my workout! 

Still Here!!

Hi people....im still here...I had last Thursday and Friday off work and started my new job yesterday!  So much to take in and do...will check in later...but weight wise alk going well and back down to 182lbs!

Dark Mornings.. Worst Thing EVER

I went to the gym this morning but OMG it was hard work getting up..it was dark outside and I was so snug in my bed...that perfect temperature when you are really warm in bed but it's slightly chilly outside of bed. Love those moments... but it does make going to the gym the least appealing thing in the world. However I got up and pushed myself out and to the gym...this morning was my first day of my starting my toning exercise again and God it was hard. I forgot how hard..it didn't help either that this morning there were a few people in the gym.. normally I am the only one in the ladies area... I was so concious of looking like an idiot especially when I had to do burpees and was really struggling!  

Last night I didn't have any wine and was in bed by 10pm which was great. Biggy and I spoke about money though and I really need to cut back as I want to stop using my credit cards... so it means I can't buy a juicer this month which then means that I can't really juice as a blender wouldn't really work...would it? I might give it a go in a  blender and see what happens actually... anyway Tuesday and Thursday my target will be 1000 calories as that will still allow me to have a soup or something for dinner in preparation  for my run the next day and also means I only need to cut 1500 for the rest of the week. 

At the moment I am on track and still have just over 400cals for my evening meal... I will either have a soup or a big salad...not sure yet.... 

Looking forward to my run tomorrow morning... shock horror

Monday Weigh In

Not a pretty sight this morning... 187lbs... 2lbs away from 189lbs... I never want to see 189lbs on the scale again..The weekend was really good exercise wise but not great food wise... a bit of boredom eating and quite alot of wine AGAIN... Never mind... over it... 

My plan this week is to make sure I get all my exercise in, make sure I am 100% good on my food not drink during the week and just really keep my head down and stay on track. I have been thinking of ways to shake up my food to make sure I can keep on track and lose this extra 5lbs that I am carrying around... I have done alot of reading and thinking and have decided that I am going to try the following... At the moment my workout routine is as follows: 

Mon: Run

Tues: Run

Wed: Rest

Thurs: Run

Fri: Run

Sat: What I want

Sun: Rest

But I actually want to change this and bring back the toning exercises that I did for a while but never actually gave a chance to work.... So I am going to change it to: 

Mon: Run

Tues: Toning

Wed: Run

Thurs: Toning

Fri: Run

Sat: What I want

Sun: Rest

Now on the days that I am doing the toning I am going to incorporate my own style of the 5:2 Diet...at the moment I am not sticking to my calories and feel that if I do a mix of both then I will defo come in on target in regards to my calorie deficit. The toning days I won't be actually burning a huge amount of calories as will be toning instead... so on Tues and Thurs I want to have a recovery protein shake for breakfast after my workout and then have 2 home made juices during the day followed by a light dinner of soup or salad. I have read alot about juicing and I do believe that if used correctly they would be a great benefit to anybodys diet... I know for certain that I don't get enough fruit and veg in my diet so am excited to incorporate it. 

So this is it... the start of me getting tough on myself...becoming serious and taking it to the next level. 14lbs...14 weeks... getting rid of the 5lbs extra and making myself a healthier and better person. 

ps.... check out my latest progress picture... I don't know if you can see a difference....

Feeling Good

Last night I had no wine... I stayed in my calorie goal and this morning I completed a 30 minute run by 7.30am....

I am feeling good, I am feeling in control, I am feeling sexy, I am feeling like I am changing my body and my lifestyle in a positive way, I am feeling very much back in the zone, I feel like something has clicked, I am loving the fact that by just getting up 1hour earlier I have already done my workout and don't have to spend my day thinking about the run I have to do... 

I'm Sorry For FAILING Again

This is going to be such a boring post....mainly because I have said this so many times over the last few weeks.... I keep on failing... I don't know why. I want to be fit, I want to be healthy, I want to tone up and I 100% know that none of these things come without dedication, hard work and self-belief. If I want and know all of this why do I keep on failing...especially as the only person I am hurting is myself. I am getting so fed up and tired of starting again... and tired of not even seeing 182lbs on the scale anymore... this morning it's around 185lbs.... 

I know that one of the things I am doing wrong compared to about 4/5 weeks ago when things were going well is that I am drinking a lot more...now I never totally stopped drinking but I had cut out drinking in the week and I have got back into the habit of drinking every night... to the point that I can't remember when I didn't have a drink for 24hours. So I really need to break that habit as as I have said a number of time wine alters me in so many ways...I am not as strong in regards to willpower, it makes me hungry, it's effects my personality and it defo reduces my energy to get up in the mornings to go to the gym! 

Last night we had a very nice evening but we consumed 2 bottles of wine... I didn't get up this morning to go to the gym.. I was too tired even though I went to bed around 11.30... What's the point of trying to eat healthy all day if by 6.30pm you are sabotaging yourself with a glass of wine that leads to a massive downfall.. and also I am tired of feeling guilty.. I am tired of looking at the scales and not seeing anything positive and knowing its all my own fault... 

So here is my goal...I want to have to go back to not drinking during the week...I want to go back to the gym... I enjoy the gym.. in fact I love the gym... so I just need to get back into the habit of going... like I keep on saying if I eat right, say no to the things I know I shouldn't have and exercise regularly then my body will become in better shape and my weight will go down... Why can't I just get that in my thick head....I need to really look at what I am doing everyday and see when and how I am about to fail and make sure I am in control for my future me and future body... Normally I would also set myself a weight goal as well but half of me doesn't want to as it's not about the weight so much anymore...BUT at the same time it's 14 weeks till the end of the year...and it does seem to be a perfect opportunity to challenge myself... 1bs a week...14 weeks.......

Bastards Stole My Bag

So annoyed... My car got broken into on Monday night and the bastards stole my handbag with my purse in it ....my very lovely D&G purse.... so sad and so annoyed.... 

I stupidly left my bag in my car outside my house over night thinking it would be safe...we don't live in a  very residential area and we are away from the main road and on a school premises so was pretty certain it would be quite safe... Came down to the car on tuesday morning to go to the gym and all my car windows were wide open. I was like..omg...did I leave all my windows open overnight....hold on where's my handbag.....

Rushed inside and asked Biggy if he had taken it to teach me a lesson to not leave windows open.. he hadn't...they had jammed a screwdriver into my lock which releases a "safety" mechanism in my car of putting all the windows down and the Bastard just lifted my handbag out .... sigh.... all my credit cards and everything. They did manage to take some cash but luckily I will get everything back and have of course cancelled all my cards... the most annoying things of it all is just the hassle of having to cancel everything, spending £150 on a new lock and losing the little things like my makeup and my book etc...

However the thing that annoyed me the most....was that I couldn't go to the gym as I had to wait for the police, sort out my cards, fix my car etc and it has messed up my routine... so annoyed... I will have to make it up over the weekend which is fine...I was thinking of going tonight but Wednesday is normally my cleaning night and the flat is a state so really need to do that! 

Today has been a good eating day... I have been looking over my food diary and really want to get my protein levels high again... I had a shake for breakfast with an egg... normally I would have a big breakfast but as I didn't have any MONEY I couldn't go and buy anything..then at lunch I went to the bank and managed to get some money out and went and bought.... English Muffin, cooked chicken and pineapple cottage cheese... had that with a protein shake... and then for dinner having mashed cauliflower with green beans, chicken thighs, bacon with onion. 

Monday Weigh In: Let's Be Realistic

So realistically last week wasn't a great week for me..in fact it was pretty dire... I ate out twice in the week and in one day and had two x3 course meals...and the next day I ate a lunch that I shouldn't have really had either... then on Thursday night after my epic run in the morning I was up all night being really ill.. I had some kind of stomach bug that was not pleasant at all... although when I got on the scales in the morning I was really close to 182lbs it was obviously not real as I had just lost anything and everything from inside my body... then I was feeling so sorry for myself on Friday afternoon while in bed I ate chocolate and cookies etc even though I knew I was going to regret it later. Saturday was ok but I not great and on Sunday I ate raw cake mixture (Don't ask) followed by Toad in the Hole.... so alot of unhealthy stuff in that day as well.... I am actually really annoyed as when I got on the scales on Saturday I was showing 183lbs and said to myself if I have a good weekend I will stay at that which would have been good... instead I gorged myself on crap and saw the results this morning... oh and by the way... did I log all the crap I ate....did I hell! 

Anyway...today is a new day... a new week ...and a new chance to get it all right... I went to the gym this morning and I did my 30min run. I am actually really pleased as I struggled today and by 20 minutes I was considering stopping but instead I talked my way through it and completed the 30 mins....I also ran without music again this morning and it was good, I didn't miss it at all and when I was struggling I was concentrating on myself rather than messing around with changing the music to find a faster tempo... I think it works for me because in the mornings I am only one in the gym so I can still watch TV and hear it! I don't know how I would feel running on the street with no music! 

I am quite tired of always falling back... so far this year I have only lost a stone and for the last 2 months I have just been going up and down in regards to weight... I have 6 days until my wedding weigh in and know I won't make it..and actually it's not even about the weight so much anymore...it's more about how I keep on failing at "being healthy"... I want to make it so healthy is 2nd nature to me and I am not tempted to make bad choices and that I don't turn to food for things... I want to make sure I go to the gym when I say I will and just be healthy... If I had all of that all the time then I wouldn't worry about the number on the scale as I know my body would follow and I know that I am fit,healthy and in control... 

Oh...the Ache

My...body....hurts....!! Went for a run on Tuesday morning and managed a full 30mins which I was very pleased with! Then yesterday was my rest day.. now initially I wasn't going to have a rest day in the week but I was so tired and I think the shock of going back to the gym just knackered my body! So I had a rest day yesterday which is actually fine and something I think I will stick with as I normally go to the gym on Saturday anyway..

 

Yesterday I had a really big and unexpected food day but not in a out of control way... because I am leaving my job my mother wanted to come and meet me for lunch and so we went out and had a very nice three course meal...then in the evening I had a meal out with 3 of my friends for work and we had so much fun but of course also had a three course meal with wine! I didn't get to bed until 12.30am and was thinking I wasn't going to make it to the gym this morning... I woke up around 5am and thought I'm not going to go so changed my alarms to be an hour later... but then my body naturally woke up at 6.15am and I was feeling fine... I was lying there thinking to myself.. oh don't go it's fine... I probably won't do very well even if I do go because I ate so much and drank last night so there isn't any point... well half way through this chat I was like...wow hold up there... You are awake and feeling fine, you don't know how you are going to be once you get to the gym so don't say no before you have even tried... a 20 minute bad workout is better than no workout... so get up and go to the gym.... and do you know what I did! I did mange to leave my phone at home so for the 1st time had to run without music...and bizarrely I actually probably had the best run so far! I did 30 minutes without a problem and although yes I was sweating and I was pleased to finish I wasn't hugely out of breath or anything.. I was really pleased! I think I may even try running without music again as I don't know if that had anything to do with it ...my thoughts on that is because I was able to hear my body and my breathing... who knows....

 

Today however my body is really aching...like really aching... it's going to be a hot bath and early to bed for me tonight before I hit the gym again tomorrow morning!

New Horizons

This morning I got off my arse at 6.15am and headed to the gym...I  have to say I felt mighty pleased with myself especially as I didn't even have to talk myself into it.. I just got up and went. I got on the running machine and did a 5 minute warm up walking and then did 20mins straight run at 4.4mph...now normally I do 4.2 but felt it was too slow so upped it... I only managed 20mins and before I was doing 30mins but I am fine with that as I haven't been to the gym for about 3 weeks so can't expect to go back and be as good as before. I am sure it won't take me long to be back up at 30mins. I also ran with weights for the first 10mins.. I just held a couple of light handweights for 10 mins.. I was going to do 10mins with 10 mins without and then 10 mins with but didn't get to the last 10 minutes! After the run I did the plank, I did 3x 10 second holds.. not much but it's the first time I have done it so I don't think it's bad. Tomorrow I will be doing my toning workout from FitSugar and then Running again Wed and Fri and the the toning workout on Thurs. 

Here is a photo of me after my workout just cooling down for 5 minutes. My calfs' look so big but with my hard work they will be getting smaller as I become stronger! #positivethoughts

Today I have really stayed on track, had a yummy breakfast of Chicken breast, avocado, hummus, omelette and pineapple cottage cheese.... I have stayed on track all day and haa Maxitone shake for lunch with an apple and then dinner tonight is cold beef with salad and veg. I have recorded everything on MyFitnessPal the only bad thing is I forgot my FitBit this morning so haven't recorded my steps today. I definitely feel like I am back in the game and feel confident that I will stay on track again! 

Other news is that at last... I have a new job! I am thrilled! It's out of recruitment and quite close to where I live. It's better money and more in line with my previous roles. I start in about 4 weeks so am super excited and can not wait. I feel like I am turning a corner. I handed in my notice today and although sad to leave some of the girls in the office am not sad to be moving on from the company! 

Also I weighed in today and am 2lbs down... so 3lbs away from being back to my lowest SO FAR of 182lbs. 

Get My Head in the Game

The whole thing about weight loss and healthy living is that it's a mental thing....and when I say that I do mean 100% totally a mental thing. If you head isn't in it then nothing is going to work. As I said yesterday for me everyday is a mental fight to get my head and thoughts in the right place to allow me to have a successful day. At the moment I am not there. I should be ..but I am not. I am feeling a little bit overwhelmed with the fact that I want to 26lbs...and frustrated that 5 of those lbs I have already lost once! Not only do I want to lose the weight I want to tone up and focus on my health... So here is my plan...so I have it down in front of me and I can visualize what I need to do to achieve my goal to become a healthy and better me... 

1) Make sure I record what I eat every day

2) Make sure I stay in my calorie limit 

3) Don't go over calories with "empty calories"

4) Go to the gym every morning during the week

5) Ensure my 10000 step mark every day apart from my restday

6) Ensure that every day I have a healthy high protein breakfast

7) Avoid all bread where possible

8) Concentrate on protein and veg based meals

9) Have a large breakfast, small lunch and a medium dinner

10) Stay away from processed foods 

11) Stick with having one Cheat day a week

12) Only get on the scales once a week

13) Believe and realise that if I am doing what's right my body will follow

14) Stop eating when I feel full

15) Eat more veg 

16) Eat fruit when having a craving for something sweet

17) Really work on reducing alcohol intake

18) Learn to love my body now and in the future

19) Don't let myself get too obsessed with the scale or punishing myself

20) Enjoy the journey

21) Run 3 times a week

22) Push myself with sport

23) Remember that I enjoy doing sport

24) Tone up and relish the pain that comes with pushing my body

25) Have a full social life as well as a full fitness life

Holiday Wrap Up

Hola! Como estas?! jajajajaja..... I'm back from Spain and had a great great time. Lots of sunshine and lots sangria, I did eat well but also enjoyed myself... a daily icecream and a daily jug of sangria isn't going to help the scales is it?! 

Before I went away I went on a huge eating binge and ate so much crap it was crazy...100% of this was stress eating as work was just getting too much for me...anyway it resulted in a 7lbs gain.. no real surprise as I ate so much bread and chocolate, biscuits etc.. I was eating even though I wasn't hungry and almost forcing myself! Anyway ...got on the scales today and am sitting at 187lbs... so a 5lbs gain...it's not great but it's not bad and can easily rectify it. I am really looking forward to being back on track and getting healthy again. While on holiday I had a lot of time to look around me and without sounding gross look at womens figures and really decide on what I want... It's so interesting when you get to check out people and say no I don't want that yes I do want that. I am definitely not wanting the figure I have now and don't want to be overweight and wobbly... and I defo do want to be lean and toned... but I really don't want to be skinny... it's not sexy or realistic for my figure.. 

I know it's the same old story but it's good sometimes to look around and really reassess what you want and  to confirm you are moving in the right direction. It's going to be high protein, lots of veg and fish for me and I am pleased to say I am really looking forward to going back to the gym. I want to go daily as I was before and am going to concentrate on running and swimming. I know it's the same old story with me but I do feel like I have turned a corner in life... I also want to relax a bit as well. I think before I was letting health and fitness consume me (the irony) and although it does have to be a daily battle and always will be with me I think I need to come up and smell the roses and realise that this is a great thing I am doing and should enjoy it all rather than it being a punishment and not enjoying things in the here and now. Healthy eating is easy if you do it right, instead of low fat this, so many cals in that I think I want to take a much more natural approach. If it's unprocessed, natural and yummy it's all good in my books. Don't get me wrong I will still be looking and counting calories but just want to relax a bit more. 

And that leads me onto one of my projects, I want to put together a cookbook of all yummy recipes that will all be low carbs, high protein and generally healthy with a few treats thrown in... I bought a couple of folders the other day and I think now is the perfect time to start especially as we are entering into dark evenings...so a glass of red and looking at recipes is on the books!

Holiday to Espana

Hi all... well as we all know when someone disappears for awhile from blogging it's normally not a good sign... and that's a little bit of the case with me. I haven't done so well... and the last few days I have eaten so badly and eaten so much bread it's crazy. I know that most of it is from stress eating .... let's just say that Monday to Friday between 8.30am & 5.30pm is not my favourite time at the moment... I haven't been going to the gym either as my energy levels are just right down there almost like I am going into hibernation...but again I think this has something to do with the stress. I have been drinking lots and my skin is just exploding... I am a bit of  a mess... 

Anyway... off to Spain with Biggy for a week tomorrow which I am very excited about and I am actually going to use the week as a bit of a de-tox. I want to get back to healthy eating, cut out the bread again and the crap and start moving more...maybe not going to the gym as after all I am on holiday but a few walks and of course lots of swimming! I alway find it easier to eat healthy in hot countries and we are going to be right next to the coast so lots and lots of fish and seafood! 

Anyway I am going to keep it short and sweet... do really need this break and then embrace the health again... my body is groaning under the sugar and rubbish I have been feeding it the last few weeks! 

Confessions of a Fatty

Oh sigh.... last night was a disaster... properly a disaster...Firstly .. I didn't go to the gym, I just didn't want to by the time I had got home and fought through the traffic. So that's the 1st Disaster.. then I put my 3... yes 3 fishcakes in the oven with my sweet potato fries (to be fair the cakes are very small)... poured myself the last glass of red from the bottle and sat down and put on the lastest season of Downtown Abbey.... to be honest....sheer bliss... ate all my yummy dinner with a mountain of half fat mayo... (disaster number 2)...then after my meal and after finishing my glass of wine... I thought to myself... I am having a thoroughly lovely time with Downtown and wine it's such a shame we don't have any more in the house... "Go and buy some from the garage down the road..." a little voice in my head said... so I did and while I was in the garage I picked up one of those sharing bags of Maltesers... (disaster number 3) ...so I got home... finished the SHARING bag of Maltesers in literally about 10 minutes and then continued to drink half a bottle of the red I bought (Disaster number 4) ....my only saving grace before Disaster number 5 is that I finished the night with a mug of Green Tea and that I did stop drinking the wine before Biggy had come home.... Disaster number 5 is the fact that I of course didn't go to the gym this morning due to the dry mouth and slight headache I had ... 

I don't know what's wrong with me.... I think I have OD'd on fitness if you can do that... my twitter account is just full of health and fitness accounts talking about how much they love the gym etc... which I get and I follow for a reason but I think part of me is going.. enough already... I am totally torn as I know that I enjoy going to the gym and know that last night wasn't needed at all.... Also again the argument of not drinking has arisen... wine just really really messes me up in certain departments... I don't want to totally stop as I do enjoy a glass... but I think I need to really limit myself to just 2 glasses 2 nights of the week... those nights can be my choice but I don't want nor do I need anymore than that, after a while you are just drinking it because you are thirsty more than anything else... why is it I always have the same thoughts and the same discussion with myself but then when somebody offers me a glass of wine it's so hard to say no! 

Wedding Weigh In

So... still at 182lbs... so missed my goal of 3lbs down for the month.... it's so frustrating as this month actually I have lost about 9lbs from gaining and losing over the month so if I had just stayed focused I would have defo lost. I'm not pleased about it but I knew this month was going to be tough due to my Birthday and cousin being over as well as a few other family birthdays! 

I am going on holiday next Wednesday for a week which I am of course looking forward to I am determined to be in the 12 stone bracket by the time we go even if when I come back I am back in the 13stone bracket it would be such a nice feeling to be in the 12 stone mark... 

Also I do have a slight confession to make...this week I have been really bad at going to the gym and I don't know why... I went to the gym for a good long session on Saturday and on Monday both times I did a 30min run, 20min cross trainer and 20 minute bike session which is great....but then yesterday and today I have just not been able to get out of bed to go to the gym in the morning.. I have just been feeling knackered and I don't know why as I am going to bed early.. I have been getting up and going downstairs and then have decided that I am too tired and getting back into bed for an extra 30min ... it's awful. What's even more crazy is that every night I get my gym bag ready, I pack all my work clothes and all my gym stuff is by my bag ready to put on so it's not from lack of planning... it really annoys me as I enjoy the gym and don't want to miss the workouts especially as at the moment I am really enjoying running, it's hard and I am sweating so much at the end but when I have completed the 30 minutes and am not dying I feel such a sense of achievement and fitness it's crazy .. but at the moment I just feel knackered.... tonight I am considering going to the gym after work... I don't really like going in the evening's as it's so busy but if I don't go today then I will have only gone potentially 3 times this week and normally I try and go 5 times... I also might not be able to go on Saturday as I have to go to Oxford on  Saturday morning and then have my sister-in-law staying with us for the weekend... going to see what I can do... 

A reminder of why I am doing this....

Ugh... I didn't make it to the gym this morning... my alarm went off and I was just so tired... the night before I slept really badly and last night I didn't get to bed until midnight and my alarm went off at 6am... not enough sleep... I put on a dress for work and looked down...biggest food baby ever... even Biggy said I looked pregnant after I had pointed it out... Today I had breakfast even though I wasn't hungry... I have had 2 slices of my Birthday cake as I bought the rest into work and tonight we are having a roast at my parents with the family... Tonight is the last family dinner...thank god... I am feeling so so fat and heavy and bloated its crazy... I can just feel everything inside stretching against my skin... it's really not comfortable and I feel tired and sluggish... the trouble is I love all the food I have been eating... it's totally a love hate thing.. .because actually I love more the feeling of being lean and knowing I have used my body and the high straight after exercise..I don't know if anyone else gets this but if I have eaten more than I should have or something naughty and then i go to the gym.. even if it's a day alter... when I am working out I start to feel lighter and it's almost like the sweat is the food literally coming out of me... I feel so much lighter and better after .. it's really weird...

Anyway... I know it's going to be hard to jump back on it and get back into the swing of things... but I must... so here is a gentle reminder to me why I am doing this...