Ok Ok I Fess Up

Ok...I fess up... I FAILED yesterday... but not even a little bit... but like A LOT!  On Tuesday night we just had soup for dinner (which is why I was surprised to see the gain) anyway it meant that when it came to breakfast I was starving... so I had my porridge followed by 2 pieces of Nimmble toast with Marmite. Not to bad but not great.... I was actually out of the office for most of the morning so that was fine.

 Then for lunch I was feeling so guilty that I had had such big breakfast plus the gain I had a salad for lunch. Which was very yummy and I was thinking "go me that was all 0 points..." until I realised that the whole avocado I had was 9 points... then and this is where it gets bad... I really felt like some chocolate. I don't know why because I can easily go for weeks without eating chocolate. So off I pop to the corner shop and I get a bar of Mint Areo .. now so far this is ok-ish... but I didn't stop there.. We have chocolates left over from Christmas, boxes off them and every week a new box is opened and offered around. Now normally I have the strength to say no however yesterday I ate...wait for it... over 12 chocolates....12! I felt really bad and towards the end of the day did feel a little bit sick ...but even though I knew I shouldn't have been having them I just kept on having one after the other!  

Then for dinner I was in absolute conundrum of what to do as I knew that realistically I shouldn't have eaten anything.. but I was actually still hungry as chocolate isn't exactly sustainable! Well have much thinking I really didn't know what to cook as we have eaten alot of veggies recently and didn't really fancy them but also at the same time didn't want to eat rice or anything.. so do you know what we ended up having for dinner......PIZZA. Could it have got any worse? Well in answer to your question... yes it could. The pizza's were quite small so I bought Biggy some Prawn Crackers that he could have as a starter, I wasn't;t going to have any until he offered me one... then had about 2 handfuls. I had also bought Biggy some Ice Cream with honeycomb and chocolates bits.. I wasn't t going to have any.. until I put 1 scoop in a bowl for me.  The same goes for the 2 large glasses of red wine I had yesterday as well. So yesterday I had a PP day of 76 points... 

When I went to bed I reflected on my day to see where I had gone wrong... if I hadn't had the chocolate in the first place and just ignored my craving which would have eventually gone away I would have saved myself about 14 points in the chocolate and because I wouldn't have had the chocolate I wouldn't have semi-given up and had the ice cream as well. I probably would have still had a few prawn crackers as they are yummy and I didn't have half the pack like I used to and still stopped myself. 

However today is a new day and as long as I am extra good for the rest of the week, which believe me I really will be, I should still be able to see a good result on the scales on Monday.  I am going to the gym tonight and staying healthy with only good food being consumed. Promise! The funny thing is though although I know I shouldn't have done it I am not beating myself up about it at all. Dinner could have been better I totally agree but with the chocolate I really did fancy some and I wasn't eating it because  of emotions or anything like that. I just went overboard. Today I am totally back in control and feeling good and healthy!

The positive thing that I am taking form this is that yes, I had a bad day, but it was just one day, a few months ago one bad day would result in me giving up for the week and re-starting in the new week. 

To Bread or Not To Bread

Ok so I jumped on the scales this morning to have a quick peek and was not very happy with what I saw... 14.3lbs...I am like WHATTTTTTT???!! I know that you should wait until Weigh In to have a look and I know that your weight can go up and down for various reasons from day to day...BUT I think I know the reason why....well at least I hope so as I am not having another WI with anything starting in the 14 Stone range EVER AGAIN!!! 

Monday and Tuesday I have been having a snack at 4.30pm to get me through the last hour and give me energy for the gym...now I did also do this last week but towards the end of the week. I have 2 slices of Nimble bread, toasted, with Light Lurpak Butter and Marmite. The snack adds up to a a total of 6 points and I have to say is delicious ..what is it about toast that one slice is never enough...  I always want to devour the whole thing... anyway...I don't think the toast is helping my cause even though the bread is nimble and so less than 100kcals a slice. 

So I think going forward I will cut this snack out of my meal plan and replace it with something else...last week I was loving the hummus and carrots and have seen a couple of good ideas of light snack on Pinterest. 

What do you  eat for healthy snacks that will satisfy the urge to eat but will keep the lbs off? 

Amazing TV

Ok...if you haven't seen the programme Suits...don't talk to me anymore....lol..I'm kidding! Seriously though if you haven't seen it you are hugely missing out on a FAN-TAS-TIC series.

 Firstly because of this:

Well hello there...

But also because it is truly a great programme. In basics it is this: On the run from a drug deal gone bad, Mike Ross, a brilliant college-dropout, finds himself a job working with Harvey Specter, one of New York City's best lawyers. It is not a comedy but has some hilarious lines in it that are successful because of the characters. Each episode is an individual story with a slight background story running through it but nothing you can't easily figure out. The thing I love most from it is the Style that is in the programme... Harvey (above) is so sexy, his suits are so sharp and he is so smooth that it makes you instantly feel shabby when you are sitting there in your trackies on the couch. Everybody dresses really well in it and the class and elegance is so obvious, it is one of those programmes that really influences you and makes you want to be better! If you are like me I take my inspiration from things I see (hence why the heavy use of pinterest) and this is defo one programme that influences me!! 

In the USA they are on Season 3 and in the UK Season 1 is being shown I think on Dave....people...please please please go and watch it. I am so in love with it at the moment! 

Weigh In - 28.01.13

Whoop Whoop.....bang on 14stone (196lbs)....AT LAST! This now means I have officially lost all my Christmas weight. I am so happy and because I am taking a more positive route I would like to pat myself on the back as it also means I have lost 7lbs in 3 weeks which is fantastic. 

This week is obviously the start of what I talked about on Friday and although I was good over the weekend feel that I can really start afresh 100% today especially due to the WI! So Plan is to go to the gym, stay away from unhealthy food, enjoy eating the food that I do eat and aim for a 1.5lbs loss for next week! 

Have a good week everybody and stay positive....! 

Letting Myself Down...BUT ...Fixing It

This week has been pretty crap in regards to eating and all my posts have been quite negative which is not normally like me. I have really let myself down which I am annoyed about... I have ate emotionally this week and drank and not gone to the gym. It's very annoying. But all I can do is draw a line under the week and start again from today.

 

So let's look at it realistically and see what I can work on and what I need to realise..

 

I need to really keep an eye on my portion sizes as I know that this can creep up although I feel like I have been really good I think my portion sizes might have been getting a bit bigger.

 

I need to really realise that if I want to have the body I want I am going to have to give things up forever... I am not meaning this to sound as extreme as it does but if I want to eat cake and chocolate and crisps etc then that's fine but I then can't complain about not losing weight. I am not saying that I am NEVER going to have fatty foods ever again but it's not going to be a regular feature of my life..not even for a treat. Why  should a treat result in food?

 

I do need to go to the gym regularly...I am not ever going to naturally have a toned body and to keep a healthy body and to make sure I keep the figure I want I am going to have to work hard at it. All  those people that have bodies where you think "wow look at them" don't get it naturally..they work at it and that's what I have to do. I also need to remember that going to the gym actually puts me in a great mood and makes me stay on track as value my body after I have done a workout.

 

This really is a way of life, I can't stop just because I am having a tough week and I need to realise that any feelings I am having are not going to get sorted out by eating bad foods or eating more. If I stick to healthy eating and exercise I WILL lose weight and tone up. I have to believe that...and trust it! If I eat unhealthy foods I will be unhealthy.. If I eat healthy foods I will be healthy. It is that simple. It is not worth eating the unhealthy foods and letting go for awhile as my body puts on weight amazingly quickly and the the stress of having to lose it again gets me into the place I have been this week....IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT

 

I need to take all the sugary fatty foods off the pedestal... I still look at chocolate and cake and biscuits and think they are amazing...(Biscuits really are amazing) but I am not missing anything from not eating them. In the office we have chocolates still from Christmas and this week I have been eating them... (shame) ... but when I have one I don't really enjoy it or think that is was worth the calories. I am eating it for other reasons like boredom or to make me happy... The crazy thing is that if I don't eat the foods I don't miss them, I don't feel like I am missing out on things at all.

 

I really need to enjoy my food more...I love food...if I didn't I wouldn't be in this situation... but I need to remember that healthy food is just as yummy and if not yummier than all the unhealthy foods.When I eat Salmon with fresh veg the taste of that is so strong and so nice. I actually don't think I eat that unhealthily but I do need to explore food and realise that there is so much more out there than I am currently eating that is healthy and full of flavour. In a weird way I need to embrace food more rather than shunning it and saying that I am not going to eat so much as it's not always about portion sizes.

 

The last thing I need to let go of is my constant need for a result straight away...KATHERINE YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET THE FINAL RESULT TOMORROW...OR NEXT WEEK. It takes time..you have lost 26lbs already and you have made huge changes to your life...this is a slow journey that requires constant work...there is no quick fix...it takes time and dedication...be patient...give yourself time to learn and enjoy the changes!

 

So here we go again... January has been a long month for me... and to be honest quite hard. I will be starting again today and want to start February where I should have been at the start of January. 14stone...no doubt this Monday will see me at the same weight...and that's OK. I still have just over 7 days to reach 196lbs and that is achievable.

 

So here we go...Chapter 1 is done... I have learnt some good things and achieved alot... now it's time to fully embrace everything I have learnt and do the things I have known I should be doing for quite awhile.

MoonWalk....

No... not that MoonWalk....this MoonWalk....

         

I have signed up to take part in this years MoonWalk.... it's a 13 mile walk all through London in aid of Breast Cancer. I am taking part in it as a team with a few colleagues from work. We have decided to aim to complete the walk in under 5 hours and have gone for a target of £700. I am really looking forward to it as think it will be an amazing walk and have a great atmosphere.. I even think there is a concert at the end. 

If you want to sponsor me it would be fantastic... any amount will make a difference to those suffering from Breast Cancer as well as helping fund research into how it can be stopped or cured. 

Sponsor Me...Thank you!

If you click on Sponsor you can then chose my name (Katherine Austen) and help show your support. Thank you in advance 

 Breast cancer is a type of cancer originating from breast tissue, most commonly from the inner lining of milk ducts or the lobules that supply the ducts with milk.^[1] Cancers originating from ducts are known as ductal carcinomas, while those originating from lobules are known as lobular carcinomas. Breast cancer occurs in humans and other mammals. While the overwhelming majority of human cases occur in women, male breast cancer can also occur.^[2]

The size, stage, rate of growth, and other characteristics of a breast cancer determine the kinds of treatment. Treatment may includesurgery, drugs (hormonal therapy and chemotherapy), radiation and/or immunotherapy.^[3] Surgical removal of the tumor provides the single largest benefit, with surgery alone curing many cases.^[4] To increase the likelihood of cure, several chemotherapy regimens are commonly given in addition to surgery. Radiation is used after breast-conserving surgery and substantially improves local relapse rates and in many circumstances also overall survival.^[5] Some breast cancers are sensitive to hormones such as estrogen and/orprogesterone, which makes it possible to treat them by blocking the effects of these hormones.
Worldwide, breast cancer accounts for 22.9% of all cancers (excluding non-melanoma skin cancers) in women.^[6] In 2008, breast cancer caused 458,503 deaths worldwide (13.7% of cancer deaths in women).^[6] Breast cancer is more than 100 times more common in women than in men, although men tend to have poorer outcomes due to delays in diagnosis.^[7][8] 

Prognosis and survival rates for breast cancer vary greatly depending on the cancer type, stage, treatment, and geographical location of the patient. Survival rates in the Western world are high;^[7] for example, more than 8 out of 10 women (84%) in England diagnosed with breast cancer survive for at least 5 years

Sponsor Me....Thank You

Just So Disheartened

Right it has to be said that this week I am really not feeling it. I am getting really frustrated that we are in our 3rd full week of January and I am still battling to get back to 14 stone/196lbs. I know that results take time and I know that I have to be patient and just keep at it and I also know that I can't solve this by going "Oh I don't care any more" and then eating what I want as sooner rather than later I will regret it, have put on weight again and be further away from the end goal than I am now. It's just so hard to keep yourself positive and keep on going when you are not seeing the results you want... I really need to see 14 stone or less this week as otherwise I will really start to feel that this is to hard to do! 

The worst thing is that it is obviously my fault...I can't blame this on anything else and that is what really sucks.   I am doing something wrong...and although I am not drinking so much (apart from this week where Biggy and I had a bottle of Cava on Monday and a bottle of red wine last night...which have all been counted...and yes I am aware I am drinking o cheer myself up which isn't good) and I am really being so careful about what I eat during the day and am going to the gym and working my arse off  I still seem to be staying in the 14 stone range... I don't want to. I don't want to be 14 stone anymore... it's a new year and I reached 14 stone last year and was hoping that this year I could quickly be in the 13 stone range and see the weight coming off... I was really in the zone... but it's not happening... why????? 4 weeks ago I reached my aim of 196 and although I went back up to 203 over Xmas and New Years I am still 2lbs away from being back to 196. It makes the aim of 163lbs seem like it is years away... I wanted to be able to reach that by the end of the year... 

The more I feel like I am failing the more I am hating myself which I know is bad, the photos form yesterday I am finding hard to look at and am just feeling overweight and fat. I just want to roll up into a ball and only come out when the weight is starting to go again. All I have to do is lose 14lbs to be back at the weight I was when Biggy and I first started going out... that is my main goal...182lbs...after that it is a push to get to 163...which I am going to strive to do and I will achieve but right now all I want is 182... why did I have to be a person that finds comfort in food... why did I become like this in the first place and why didn't I see it happening and do something about it sooner... 

Picture Update

This picture was taken for work as we are having a new website done and are going in for the whole "Meet the Staff" .... now I don't mind the photo but I don't love it. I think my face is still incredibly round and you can see the lovely start of my double chin and I don't particularly like my chubby cheeks! 

The next two are even worse....it probably doesn't help that I am not in a very good mood at all today... 

I hate it...fat arms...my stomach looks huge...my neck looks like a tree trunk... I just  look so fat... why oh why can't I be the thin person I want to be.. Why did I ever let myself get like this and why now do I still F' up by eating food that isn't gong to help... losing 1lbs every 2 weeks isn't going to get me very far! Look at my progress.....how many times have I gained or not lost at all.....Aghhhhhhh

Last night I went to the gym and had a really good work out ... I did 30 mins on the cross trainer and did 3.4km which is good. It put me in a really good mood and got me out of my bad mood. Going again tonight as usual annoying thing is that I left my gym stuff at home so am going to have to go home first and then go to the gym.  Tonight is my run... going to try and do 30 minutes non stop.. last week I probably stopped for about 3 minutes in total... what I love about to going to the gym is that I can work off all my stresses of the day! Will be really needing it today...! 

Monday Weigh In - 21.01.13

On the scales today and saw 197lbs... it's ok.. not great but ok.. .to be honest I don't really want to dwell on it. Instead I will tell you my food plan for the week... I can't tell you what I am having in the evening as with all the snow Biggy did an emergency shop so we didn't plan our evening meals like we normally do. 

I have porridge for breakfast all week and then have soups for lunch (Tomato, Veg, Mushroom etc). I have couscous to have with the soup as I am not having my bread roll this week, then also have carrot sticks with reduced fat hummus as a snack and WW yogurts to have either after the soup or mid afternoon snack. 

I think that this is a good plan... nothing too extreme but also nothing fatty or unhealthy there either. Still going to the gym this week as well, I don't really want to think to much about last week as although I think I did well I have obviously over eaten somewhere... I think my mistake was getting on the scales on Friday as I was a bit disheartened and then did eat a few things I know I shouldn't have done..which is also totally ridiculous as you would have thought that if I saw a heavier result I would have been extra good but instead that old devil "emotional eating" reared it's ugly face... but hey ho... 

This week I want to make sure that I count all my points over the weekend as that's where I am really failing... I think it's because you are not in a routine it's harder to calculate..but to be honest I don't really have much of an excuse I have the WW app on my phone. 

Anyway...feeling a bit poo... so am signing off... have a good week. 

Quick Look at the Scales...

Firstly...yes it's snowing here...I don't mind the snow I just don't like the chaos it brings. We got to leave work early and I left at 12.30pm...my normal 20 minute journey took me..wait for it.... 2 and a half hours.....!!!!

As much as I know I shouldn't have...I jumped on the scales this morning. Well wasn't that a mistake. I am the same weight that I was at the start of the week... I just don't understand it..at all. Apart from Wednesday night I have been eating really really well and pointing EVERYTHING..I have been keeping a strict eye on my portion sizes and haven't been snacking in between meals apart from on fruit...I have had porridge every morning and every lunch I have been having a soup with a bread roll, my evening meals have been all freshly cooked and healthy, anything like pasta and rice I have halved my portion and instead had extra of the 0 point food like veg and I have only had 2.5 glasses of wine in the past 5 days. I have gone to the gym 3 times this week and done over 90 minutes of cardio...I just don't understand.

One thing I think it could possibly be is the bread I am eating at lunch...but that is just a home made small bread roll... no bigger than what you would normally buy in a shop...I don't know if the scales are reflecting my Wednesday indulgence...I just really don't know and to be honest I find it really disheartening as I thought I was doing pretty damn well and was defo going to see a movement on the scales. 

BUT...I mustn't get disheartened and mustn't throw in the towel..I am in a really good place at the moment gym wise and loving it...even a bit disappointed that the snow means I can't get to the gym...not tonight at least anyway...maybe tomorrow though. It will happen I will get there (weight loss not the gym!)...from now on I think I will bring my bread intake down and also I am going to try and push my lunch a little later and eat at 1 rather than 12 as it should mean that I won't snack so much even though my snacking is just on fruit... I have had ALOT of fruit this week and I know some is good for you but it still does contain alot of sugar...so that might have something to do with it. Just desperate to get back to 14stone so I can start getting into new fat loss!!! I'm going to do all I can to get out of 14stone by January ..and here is also a stark lesson for me (one I have been taught a few times) that my body puts on weight really quickly and does seem to hold on to it quite hard... I know everybody else seems to have lost their Xmas weight and here am I still struggling!!!

Wednesday Wine Day

Biggy and I decided to have wine last night...Wednesday is my cleaning day and as a reward he suggested we have a glass of wine and a nice dinner... I had had quite a stressful day so was happy to go along with the idea... so off I popped to the shop after work... 

I bought an amazing garlic bread from Waitrose, it was Goats Cheese and caramelized Red Onion (have to be my 2 most favorite things)  then for our main we were already having Trout with Roasted Veg and then I bought 2 small individual Sticky Toffee Puddings (ultimate dessert) with 2 bottles of  Red Wine... 

I didn't think we would drink all the red wine but that's what we normally get and I know Biggy still likes to have a glass of wine or 2. We poured out the wine and I sat on my first glass for about 40 minutes which is unheard of for me and then asked Biggy for a top up...in total I had about 2 and half glasses and actually on my last half I stopped enjoying it... I could feel myself changing... as in not being stone sober anymore...I wasn't drunk or tipsy or anything but I could just feel that the wine was having an effect on me.. and do you know what... I didn't enjoy it at all... it was nice to have a glass of wine...but to be honest it was nice to have A glass not  2 and a half... I also noticed that while I was eating I was drinking alot faster as I wanted a drink rather than wanting to have wine!  It was good to realise that I just don't want as much wine anymore... also it's not worth the points or the dry mouth all night...! 

Anyway... after dinner I worked out the points of everything I had... I worked out the points after as Biggy and I wanted to have a nice dinner and I was going to eat what we had bought either way and I am ok with that... but OMG....I laughed when I worked out the points for the dessert.. it was 11 Points... I was like oppps! So in total yesterday I had a 39 point dinner...and what's crazy is that if I had just had what we originally planned I would have had a 7 point dinner as all the Veg were 0 points the Trout was 5 and a spoonful of Pesto was 2!!!  However I am fine with it as I still have 8 points of my weeklies and 12 activity points left for the week... both of which I don't plan on using...that with the gym I doubt one controlled treat is going to do anything to the scales. I still have 4 days of healthy eating ahead of me..so all good in the hood.  (Also now worried that I am sounding to "I don't care" and you will think that I'm saying it because I do care....but I am fine with it.. I know what I ate, I pointed it all up and now just have to be extra good as I indulged...but also I feel like I have indulged and am not craving anything.. I don't want any heavy meals as am feeling satisfied and to be honest still full! This is getting hard to explain....!)

Off to the gym tonight and will be doing 30 minutes on the cross trainer.. I am going to be upping my resistance as I am finding that although I am still breaking a sweat it's a little easier than is used to be! 

Focused Gym Bunny...That's Me

Ok....stop press... yesterday I was actually really looking forward to going to the gym... but not just a little bit like alot!!!! I couldn't wait to get out of the office and into the gym... I think there must be something in the air! Lol! Got to the gym and headed straight on to the running machine... I did a 5 minute warm up walk then followed by a 30 minute run at 4 miles an hour and a 4 incline ( I don't really know what gradient the 4 is in but it's not flat..maybe going up a massive hill gentle slope) ....agh it was so good... very hard but felt so good. I did the whole thing and only had about 4x30 second breaks where I reduced the speed to 3.7 also I ran non stop for the first 15 minutes... I know that sounds so pathetic to some but it is great for me! I have to say I loved it... I loved it when I had sweat stinging my eyes...sardonic I know... I loved it when I thought I can't do any more but I did ....and I loved it the most when I had finished....! That feeling of accomplishment is amazing! After I had completed my run I did a couple of toning exercises but the gym was getting quite full so didn't do everything I wanted to. The main area I want to work on is that pouch area below your belly button (the lower abs) ... I found a couple of videos on line that seemed quite good so nicked a few of their moves. I hate that area... that is the area that truly makes me feel overweight and really like an old woman...

I'm feeling really good this week ... I am feeling motivated and strong and feeling like my body is making a slight change.I think it' going to the gym... I am just feeling alot healthier and stronger. Food wise everything is going well, trying to stick to just daily points and if I do go over I am swapping my activity points first. I think planning my meals ahead is really working as I have more control of what I can eat during the day! Tonight we are having Trout cooked in the oven with Mediterranean vegetables.  

One Day...

Tonight is my night off from the gym off but have got cleaning to do instead...luckily Biggy is helping me instead. Tomorrow will be cross trainer and then Friday will be running again! Loving it.....! 

Feel Like a Woman

Last night I went to the gym (yay me) and I did 30 minutes on the Cross-trainer followed by some toning exercises in total I burned about 500 calories. Now normally I go to the women's only part of my gym which is a separate room... it doesn't have alot in it and it isn't very big but it has 2 cross-trainers, 2 running machines, a few bikes and a rowing machine then some weights etc for toning... so really it has all I need. Anyway I went in yesterday and both the cross trainers were being used which to be honest is quite unusual so I had to go into the main gym... OMG...I hate it so much. When you walk in all the weights and heavy machines are right in the entrance so of course all the men are there... now I'm not a prude but I just hate going to the gym when there are men around. I feel that they all look at you...in fact they really do look at you....now they are probably just looking to see who is coming in etc but because there are about 20 men looking up at you it's just a bit awkward and it's exactly the same when you leave. 

I hate it... I think it's mainly because I am overweight and so don't feel so relaxed in the gym...when you are in the women's area although you still get looked at I don't feel like it's quite so bad...even though I know women can be bitchier than men. Why is that...? Why do women judge each other? I think it's very unfair and stupid. 

As I get older I realize more and more that women are very different to men and women do think differently to men... without getting on soapbox and waving a placard at you...I think it's really important for women to stick together and support each other where possible. I'm not saying we should all like each other..it's impossible for everybody to like each other... but perhaps to not be so judgmental. When I see someone who is bigger than me in the gym.. I don't look at her and go "OMG she is so fat look at her trying to do a sit up"... I look at her and go "Look at that...she is trying to do a sit up and is succeeding ..no doubt next week she will be doing a few more than she manged this week...good for her"... and it's not just in image but in all parts of life. 

That extra support is essential I think, more and more I look at Biggy and I think "why is not obvious to you what to do" and the reason why it's not obvious is because he is a man... Biggy's Aunt spoke to me the other day about men and relationships and things (I don't know what Biggy has said to her but she was talking about marriage quite alot!) but something really stuck out for me... she said that women when they are standing in "Spot A" with the family and the shopping and the lists being sorted in their head and keeping an eye out on things they are already thinking about "Spot B" and what will happen there and how they are going to get there and what will have to be sorted out and what will be needed etc.... a man just thinks "Oh I'm in Spot A"... a man will never understand how a women thinks...which is why I think it's so important for women to be there for each other... to support and encourage each other... You have all given me so much support and it's because you UNDERSTAND what I'm going through and can empathize...and that is why I am still losing weight..not giving up and am succeeding in my goal. 

......and step off the soapbox......

Monday Weigh In - 14.01.13

198lbs (14st.2)... it's a loss...BUT I am the same weight I was 7 weeks ago... 7 weeks... Now I know we have had Xmas and New Years and everything but that just annoys me to be honest. If I had been good I could have lost 7lbs...which would put me at 191lbs which would have been 9lbs away from my first goal of 186lbs.. or 13stone. I know that we can all go if only I had done this and if only I hadn't done that.. etc but it just annoys me. Am I serious about losing weight or not? Obviously I am ...I am just tired of failing myself.. I want to see the scale go down. Why do I still do it. I have no one else to blame apart from myself and the scale doesn't go down because I eat too much or I eat things that are fattening... it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work it out. AGHHHHHHHH! 

I will get to my goal weight I just find it frustrating sometimes when it takes so long to do. I was so pleased to see 196 on the scales just before Xmas and now I am just angry with myself for indulging as it really isn't worth it.

Weekend was good... on Friday I went to the gym and ran 30 minutes... really sweated my arse off which was great and really felt the burn. I had a few drinks over the weekend but kept in control and stayed away from the wine. I had 2 glasses of Cava on Friday night (Cava is my new thing) and then Biggy and I went out on Saturday night and I had 2 small champagne cocktails. Not bad going I think as before I would have had a bottle on Friday a bottle on Saturday and probably a bottle on Sunday. 

Also at the weekend I made a mistake... I bought a pair of jeans... on Friday I bought 3 pairs of shoes...all beautiful and all fitting for my "new" style... also all £5 a pair in the sale in New Look ( Score or what!) anyway my other jeans are too short to wear with them so I went out and bought a pair of long jeans well...I thought they were perfect... and also still a size 16 (yay)... got home... looking good... in the evening put them on...felt like an elephant and they are actually too long to go with my beautiful shoes! So annoyed. When I am down to 13 stone I think I am going to get a pair of jeans made for me as nothing in the shops is ever quite right. Biggy and I were talking about it and he knows how much I want to change my style but he pointed out that if I buy clothes now they will be more like my old style as I will try and get them to fit with my current clothes and then everything will merge together... much better to save my money and in 6 months go out on a huge shopping spree and literally re-do my WHOLE wardrobe. So that is my plan and although it panics me a bit as I have already proven that I can't go 2 weeks without buying something and have broken one of my New Years resolutions already (but to be fair I really did think they were going to be the perfect length) I know that it does make total sense. I am going to be cheeky and talk to my Mother and see if she will match whatever I have saved. I am also giving myself the target of re-doing it all when I reach 182lbs (13st) as it will be a momentous occasion for me. 

Anyway we will see what this week brings and I have already planned out my meals and menus for the evening meal so no real reason why I should slip up. Maybe next week I could be reporting in from the other side of 14 stone... here is hoping.

Thursday Already....??!!

Where is this week going? It really is FLYING by. Yesterday I didn't make it to the gym... I know I said  would but do you know what I was just too tired and I had cleaning to do. I knew if I did go I would only do it at 50% and I don't want to do that. I did go home and aggressively clean the house so I don't feel too bad. My aim is to go to the gym 4 times a week and so I can still go tonight, Friday and Saturday and then I would have got all my workouts in. No problemos! 

Last night I also made a slight mistake with food but then rectified it. I was quite hungry when I got home and so of course made the mistake of opening the fridge .. out came a spoon and in went part of the leftovers from dinner the night before...epic fail. I felt really bad about it and knew it wasn't good so instead of just feeling guilty about it I did something about I told Biggy that I wasn't that hungry..failed to mention why...and so we just did our own dinners... I had mushrooms, peppers, spring onion and cabbage with lots of garlic and lightly sauteed..then I cracked an egg over it all and mixed it all up...total points value of 2! I also calculated my fail and still came in on my point allowance! Yay! 

Also I came to a decision the other day that I am not going to be buying any more clothes until I am 189lbs (13.7stone)... I have to say that this is proving harder than it seems especially with all the sales. BUT I know that it will be worth it, I might allow myself to buy some shoes or accessories as those will continue to fit even after I have lost weight.  

Anyway to be honest not that much to report...still doing well with food and drink and saying no. Feel like I will see a good result on the scales on Monday.