Sorry for not posting yesterday, it was a bank holiday and although I was totally meaning to post I actually forgot! Weighed in yesterday at 203lbs. I am happy with that as I had put on weight over my birthday weekend so it is good to be back to starting weight again. I had hoped to have lost a bit more but I am happy with 203. At the weekend I did eat more than normal so need to be extra good this week and really push to see 200 on Monday.
On Friday Biggy had the idea of having a fish and chips, which I was ok with as I really didn't want to cook. I went down and got a medium portion of chips, large cod and mushy peas. I had about 1/4 of the chips and half the cod as well as my Mushy peas. It was nice but to be honest I didn't actually enjoy it that much and later in the evening I just felt that I had oil and fat running through me. Not a nice feeling at all. Also watched a programme that actually made me want to hurl, but I am so disgusted by it it will deserve its own post.
Saturday I had a really nice day, I spent it mainly with my parents as Biggy was away. I went shopping in the morning and my Mother and I had a very nice breakfast of wholemeal toast, scrambled egg and smoked salmon which was yummy and then in the afternoon had a salad while painting some of the flat ( 2 more weeks until we are in). In the evening I wasn't going to eat anything but my parents asked me down for dinner and a movie. They ordered a Chinese which I was a bit unsure about as obviously its not very good for you but I had a WonTon soup to start and ordered a starter size of Chicken Satay. When it arrived I was A) shocked it how much food my parents had ordered and B) the size of the chicken satay skewers. When I looked at the satay it was just swimming in oil and all sauce looked just full of fat. I took 2 skewers but actually only had one as they were just so so big! I am noticing that my love of fried food and greasy food is diminishing, sometimes I have relapses but then really regret it.
Sunday I wasn't very good as had a chrizo sandwich as Biggy had bought fresh bread on his way home and it just smelt so good. Then in the evening we cooked a Shepard's pie with sweet potato on top instead of normal potato and I also added some chick peas in with it. It was really yummy but I had quite a big portion and also had cheese on top of it. I also had an ice cream after and some red wine. Normally on Sunday night I try and not eat too much as I know I have weigh in but I was in the Bank Holiday mind frame so obviously failed here.
Monday is where it all fell apart and I did something really really really stupid and really a little worrying. I had another chrizo sandwich for breakfast and not because I wanted it but because it was there and I knew I could have it without any judgement because nobody was around. Then we were out and about with my parents getting things ready for the flat and we stoped and had a McDonald's. Then (and this is where it gets really bad) when I got home I still wanted something sweet and I opened a packet of Weight Watchers Carrot Cakes .... I had one and then I had the whole packet. All 6 of them. I sat there and I ate them so quickly, looking around so nobody would see or catch me. Now how F***ed up is that?? Biggy then came home and we cooked dinner and I still ate, I was thinking, oh do you know what actually I won't have dinner... but did I follow through with that did I hell. It was like the flood gates had opened.. I started my day off wrong and I just continued...almost acting like it was my last supper which is just so so stupid!
This when I do worry about my relationship with food, most of the time I am in control but sometimes I just go all out and eat like I am famished and what makes it worse is when I am eating I know I don't truly want it. I do think about why am I eating and is it emotional.. yesterday it wasn't. I don't know why I did it. I am happy about everything, not worried ... I just eat because I can and I had already had bad food. I know when you eat "bad" food it triggers something in you mind and is almost like a drug, once you have a had a little you want more and more. Does this ever happen to anybody else? Is it normal? Why oh why can I not just have a normal reaction to food?
I struggle a lot with this too. I recently heard a great story that helps me stay in check.
ReplyDeleteSo if you are driving your car and your tire goes flat. Would you just be like "oh forget it, my car is already ruined. what's the point. I'll just keep on driving till I get into an accident"
The trainer who told this story to me said it way better. But the point is that no you would pull over to the side of the road- fix the tire- then move on with your day normally.
a bad decision should be like a tire going flat. just fix it (work out a bit extra or eat a salad for another meal) and move on.
Hope this rambling story helps.