I have to say after my post of being totally in the zone last week I fell off the wagon over the weekend and only had myself to blame. It started with me just being really tired on Friday which then resulted in me having comfort food in the day (Biscuits) and then in the evening I cooked a (very yummy) Skinny Sweet and Sour Chicken from SkinnyMom which is fine apart from the fact we also had some spring rolls as starters and I had 2 of those and about 2 large glasses of wine. Then on Saturday I baked a cake, I only baked it because again I was feeling down and I wanted to eat some raw cake mixture (don't even ask) even while I was eating it I knew I was going to regret it as a) it's so so not good for you and b) I feel really bloated afterwards as I am pretty sure it expands in my stomach! Then in the evening we went out for dinner where I ate a Skinny Pizza (low cal) at Zizi's but bumped it up with 2 large glasses of white wine...then on Sunday although I ate better still felt really down in the dumps.
I need to look at the trigger for my "blues" as they have lasted a couple of days and have really got me down and made me do stupid things like overeat and drink wine! I think it really started when I tried on the beige trousers and looked at the behind view of me, what I saw I just hated and although I know that the view I had was mainly due to my mirror being one of those cheap ones and so giving the image of circus mirror it was still not a great image to see. It's amazing how much it affected me as I went from feeling really in control and good to right down in the dumps and saying so many negative things in my head. All the negativity increased when I ate bad food and drank wine.. wine especially makes me hate myself as it just brings out the "Demoralizing Me" and the things I say to myself are shocking... its really not good especially when your BF is all over you, loving you, appreciating you and all you can do is tell yourself how ugly and fat and disgusting you are... it's hard to be in the mood when you have that running through your head all the time...and so unfair on the other person as they think it's them...
On Monday I went to the gym and actually had a really good session. This week I am tasking myself with running for straight 30 minutes as last week I was running for a straight 25 minutes. After this week I will be looking at increasing my speed as I only have time for 30 minute run in the mornings before going to work. I managed to do the 30 minute run no problems...was feeling it towards the end but kept on going and for that I am really pleased!
I was still a bit down yesterday and today I am ok, not great but not bad. I don't know what gets into me... something will trigger a bout of sadness that will last a day or two and it is always related to my weight, body image and size...and although I know I am so much better than I used to be and so much further along the right path there is nothing I can say to myself to get me out of the bout... I just need to wait for it to pass....
This week I am focusing on healthy eating, gym and losing 1lbs... that is my goal... I only have 5lbs to go until I hit 13 stone and I don't want that taking months and months... I would love to lose them by the 14th of June... but we will see....
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