I don't want to sound dramatic but at the moment I really feel like I don't really know who I am or what I want. The trouble is that I question everything incessantly. I was with my BEST friends at the weekend who have known me for over 10 years and even with them I was thinking "Do they still like me" "Am I acting like an idiot" " Am I boring?" these thoughts go through my head all day long. I think about things that have happened in the past and think I wish I hadn't done, said, acted like that and then spend hours thinking about how it could have been better or changed I over think things, I always have but it seems to be getting worse.
Now I am actually a pretty confident person and to anyone else all of this would probably come as a surprise. But as soon as I enter the world of my own mind by confidence crumbles and I don't know what I am doing. I feel that part of this is due to losing weight and changing things in my life. At the moment I am in limbo... Image is very important to me and I am still having to use my old image as I haven't got to where I want to be to buy new clothes yet. Clothes really effect the way I feel and act and that's one thing that makes me feel nervous as I know I don't look good (in my eyes) or portray the image I want. Also I know that I have said there are a number of things I want to change about me so when I don't follow through with things I feel guilty. However the things I want to change (like not drinking so much as that is what causes me to be stupid) are good things to change and in my mind what I want. I think the thing is is trying to find a balance. I think also I am becoming old before my time as well... I concentrate on keeping a tidy house, and being the perfect housewife... I am 27 and although that is quite old for me I also need to get back the person that was up for partying... now unless it's planned I don't want to do it. I am not talking about going back to student life or anything but more enjoying the cities and enjoy being a young professional who has a bit more money and no responsibilities. I need to remember that there is quite a big phase between "student" and "yummy mummy"
With the overthinking thing, I just need to shut it up. I think (ha) because I am not so happy with my "life stage" I am thinking about things that really don't need to be thought about. I am changing, I am losing weight, I am changing my image, my interests are changing, I am coming into my adult self - a change always brings a period of instability but instead of worrying about it I need to embrace it and look at it and rejoice in the changes. Although I might not know exactly where I am going it was my confidence in myself and my self belief that started the change.
With food it's the same old story and I need to just start doing it... I know I say it over and over again and I know that I am going to have to keep on telling myself the same thing again and again and again. I find that most of it is a mental thing and like a habit .. as we all know these habits were made over 27 years and aren't going to go away over night... but it should be as simple as this... If I eat healthily I will have a healthy body... it's not rocket science... it's the most simple equation of all time. I have lost 26lbs and only need to lose another 14 until I get to my goal weight.. after that it's the weight watchers goal that I still want to hit but it's the 13stone which is most important to me at the moment....14 little points.
“‘Be careful of your thoughts, for they become your words.
‘Be careful of your words, for they become your actions.
‘Be careful of your actions for they become your habits.
‘Be careful of your habits for they form your character, and
‘Be careful of your character because it becomes your destiny!’
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