Birthday Wrap Up

So here we are again...another year older...and 24lbs lighter from a year ago... I had a great birthday but just with far far too much food! I completed all my workouts right up to Saturday which I am very pleased about and I got on the scales on Sunday morning and saw 182lbs which was fine as at the beginning of the week I had seen a gain of about 5lbs so I obviously got rid of all of that which is good... 

The whole Birthday was just food filled....starting with an amazing KitKat cake that Biggy made me, it was a) amazing b)ginormous c) covered with KitKat's.... we had half it by Sunday morning... it was so so so good.... I still have the other half in my fridge and so much of me wants to finish it because it really is amazing but then I know I can't have any more badness.... 

Sunday I went to my brothers house with the family and had a lovely BBQ with lots of food and wine. I have to totally admit.... I didn't hold back. I had lots of sausages, burgers, 2 helpings of banoffee pie and birthday cake and that's after quite a big breakfast of croissant and things... Then on Monday - my actual birthday - I went to the gym for an hour I did an hour on the cross-trainer and it was so hard I could really feel all the food from Sunday, then my Mother took me shopping and we bought me some very nice new clothes...yay...followed by a yummy dinner cooked by my Mother at home. Tuesday I had a really nice day with my cousin and her children and we went shopping again for Flowergirl dresses (bought - one less thing off the wedding list) then home for a very nice picnic of ham rolls, pork pies and pringles with a  side of wine.... THEN me, my mother and cousin all went to this amazing hotel near by for a Champagne Cream Tea followed by a massage... I ate so much... there were mini sandwiches, scones with cream and jam and then little cakes as well.... I had a bit of everything... we were home by 6 o'clock and then had a dinner of Lasagna and Macaroni Cheese with bread and salad followed by Homemade Blackberry and Apple Crumble with the rest of the family.... 

Got on the scales this morning.... and saw... 185lbs.... no surprise there... I am not happy about it but not that upset about it either.... I think the thing that I am most disappointed in is actually myself and my lack of control... I just went crazy over the last four days as I had given myself permission to not count calories and eat what I want...it goes to show that although I have re-educated myself and have a huge lot more self-control...that fat person is still in me and I haven't truly reformed... When I was eating I was enjoying every mouthful and it was making me happy inside...and what's worse is that I had 2nd portions as I knew that I would be back to being good after... but I guess if for 4 days of the year I heavily indulge and then watch what I eat the rest of the time it's not going to kill me...

The good news is that I was back to work this morning.. was up nice and early and in the gym for my 30min straight run... and this time I actually upped my speed about half way through... the last week or so I have been running at 4.2 an hour and today I went up to 4.5 which I know isn't an increase of much but it's an increase and I completed the 30 mins feeling amazing... I know that I am supposed to be doing my routine for cardio and weights but because my routine is out of whack due to missing the gym yesterday I am going to run today, tomorrow and Friday and then do a mix on Saturday and back to normal on Monday. I know weights are so so good for toning but I think running will help move this excess weight a bit more... 

Looking at Labels

As we all know I count calories which I find really easy and of all the things I have tried is the one thing I can easily stick to...HOWEVER...I am finding that more and more I am looking at the labels of things all the time of nearly everything I buy...I don't look at labels for fresh produce but anything that I am buying ready made I spend ages looking at the labels and comparing them with other similar products...and the things is I am not even meaning "ready-meals" I just mean anything in a packet or that has been made  or produced .... Now I know most of you will be shouting "well stop buying ready made food" but unfortunately I do not have time to make EVERYTHING.

 

 

This morning I was in the Co-Op looking for things for breakfast and I of course wanted to stay away from bread and croissant  so after about 5 minutes of wandering around debating what to have I settled on Chicken breast, egg, Light Philadelphia and then Rice Cakes....but it still wasn't that simple... I picked up all 3 Rice Cake brands on offer and compared them for calories... but not just the calories, I look at the Sugar, Sat fat...everything.... I don't mind doing this for some things but it's getting to the point that I am finding it hard to decide what to eat because half the time I pick up something, look at the Cals or the sugar or the sat fat and think there is no way in hell that I am eating that! I don't think it helps that there are some things that are just shocking and unless you knew you would think you were eating healthily... prime example of this was from the other night... Biggy had been playing tennis for a few hours and came home with a 1L bottle of Evian Water...great...he offered me some as it was Strawberry flavour... I was about to have some and for some reason I looked at the label... 12g of Sugar per 250ml.... 48g of sugar in 1L of WATER... how ridiculous is that....

 

I have no worries about cooking fresh at home and don't worry about the calories so much.. I still log everything but I know its all fresh healthy food so am not paranoid about it... it's just as soon as I am buying food that has been manufactured... I find it's more apparent when I want to have a change of food and not just a salad or something like that and I go to the shop and see all the crap that's put into things... the worst thing is that I know the craving I get from wanting something "naughty" even if it's just a sandwich is totally something I can ride out - when I do give in I just look at the calories I have consumed and think well that really wasn't worth it and I think of all the exercise I do and think great ..that one sandwich is the same as 60 minutes on the cross trainer... and when I have finished eating I still have the same feeling/craving as I did before I ate the sandwich...

 

Anyway I feel like I am not really making much sense... all in all... I don't want to become one of those people that just looks at labels all the time and can't occasionally indulge without feeling a mass of guilt...

9 Days Straight At The Gym..

Proud to say that I have gone to the gym 9 days in a row and planning on going tomorrow and Saturday and finally having a rest day on Sunday... I am totally knackered today but think that's because I slept quite badly last night.. I was in bed by 10pm and think I must have fallen asleep around 10.40ish... I defo didn't see 11pm... I have loved going to the gym and because I mix up my routine it doesn't feel like I have been working out all the time... this is what I have done (about to brag)

Wed: 40 Min Beach Body Workout with Weights

Thurs: 30 Min Cross Trainer

Fri: 40 Min Beach Body Workout with Weights

Sat: 60 Min Cross Trainer & 15Mins Walking

Sun: 30 Min Swimming Breaststroke & Sauna

Mon: 30 Min Run

Tues: 40 Min Beach Body Workout with Weights

Wed: 30 Min Swimming Breaststroke 

  Thurs: 30 Min Run

------Planned------

Fri: 40 Min Beach Body Workout with Weights

Sat: 60Min Cross Trainer & Walk or Bike

Sun: B-Day Celebrations and REST

I have got rid of those pesky extra lbs I gained from all the bread I consumed but so far the scales are staying still on 182lbs...I am sure that I will be able to lose the 3lbs I need to by the 28th BUT I have 2 things running through my mind....Firstly that it's my Birthday this weekend and Biggy and I are going out for Dinner over the weekend and on Sunday we are having a big Family BBQ to celebrate...then on Monday my mother is taking me out which will involve lunch out, Tuesday we are going out for a cream tea and Wednesday night I am going to my parents house for dinner as my cousin is over... so as you can see that's a whole lot of food related time coming up and although I know I can stay strong and make wise choices but it's still going to be hard... The Second thing is that the last time I was 182lbs (4 years ago) I remember staying bang on 182lbs for ages and actually not getting below that... I hope that it's not the case now...but we will see... 

It's funny though because slowly my priorities are changing...although I want to keep on losing weight I am focusing more now on toning up and getting my body into prime shape... my ultimate goal now would be more about being toned and healthy than just thin... don't get me wrong I still want my weight to go down... but if you told me I can be 162lbs tomorrow but still have wobbly bits... or I can stay the weight I am now but have every part of me toned, firm and strong I would take that any day over a number on the scales! For the past 9 days I have really been enjoying the gym and although I am knackered today and my legs are a little sore from my run... it's a happy pain as I know I am using my body and making it stronger and better....! Don't I sound like a different person?! 

Bread Does NOT Agree With My Body

Got on the scales this morning and saw even more +lbs on it...not good... I am pretty sure I know why.....BREAD....I ate bread on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday... I hadn't eaten bread in quite awhile and when I have seen a gain it's been a small one and not a drastic rise and over the last few days  I have gone from 182lbs to 187lbs... not good at all... I am not worried about it as pretty sure I can shift it again quickly but it just shocks me that my body can put on weight that quickly. 

So I have decided that for the rest of this week until Sunday I am going to be having my normal breakfast and lunch and then just a Soup with veg for dinner...I want to move this weight before my Birthday as I damned if I am going to see in my 27th year anywhere above 182lbs...

When it comes to eating and food I think I am pretty knowledgeable but there is so much information out there it can be confusing sometimes and I will admit that I am still finding things that work and don't work for my body (Bread being a prime example). Like I have said previously I am eating with a high protein lifestyle and it seems to really work for me..I have recently adopted protein shakes into my diet and although I am going to adjust this slightly in the next few weeks I feel like I am doing well (apart from the occasional slip up)... 

My normal day consists of: 

6.30am: Maxitone Sculptress Shake (soon to be changed to Maxitone Definity Shake) before Gym

8.30am: Chicken/Prawns/Parma Ham/Turkey/Tuna (100g) & 2 egg omelette & Hummus/Cottage Cheese

2.00pm: Maxitone Sculptress Shake & Steamed Veg with Soy Sauce/Salad

7.30/8.00pm: Healthy freshly home cooked dinner with Fish/Meat & small amount of Carb (pasta or rice) &...or Veg/Salad

This normally brings me in at 1500cals or just under... unless I have wine/dessert/starter and then I am over 1500...but seeing as I don't normally or try my best not to have this I am normally in the right amount and an amount that I am happy with... BUT.... over the next few days to shift this extra weight I will be going down to 1200 or just under depending what Soup I have and that I don't know what to think about... My breakfast sets me up for the day I don't ever feel like I am depriving myself but I know that if you bring your calories down low then your body thinks you are being starved and so holds onto everything possible...I don't want this to happen... but at the same time if I look at what I am eating even by having a soup in the evening I don't think it's looks like, sounds like or will feel like I am not eating enough....? 

Monday Weigh In -12.08.13

Well firstly... this morning I got on the scales and saw a 3lbs gain... not very happy about it of course... but what I love about myself and my journey is that instead of crying about it (I did enough of that last week) I am looking back at the week and seeing why and where I have got the gain from... 

So... I have drunk more wine this week than normal, I went out for dinner on Tuesday and had a 3 course meal, I went to my parents house on Friday for dinner and had a big meal and I had a heavy evening meal on Saturday. I have also been eating a big breakfast (not a problem) but then I have had a bigger lunch than normal for about 3 days of the week and I have eaten alot more bread this week. I have also been moving less and not hitting my 10,000 steps target and the week before last I was...Having said that I went to the gym 6 times and on Saturday I did an hour on the cross trainer so that's really good! 

This week I will be really bringing back my dinner's to be light and healthy, going back to not eating bread and cutting back my wine again...I also want to go out for a walk on lunch and going back to my usual eating at lunch... I also want to make sure I go to the gym every morning this week with my rest day on Sunday!

I have noticed that since returning to my normal office which is in a dead-end town and which is alot bigger and so not so much buzz I have been eating more... which is totally boredom hunger... I have 2.5weeks to hit 179lbs which will take me in line with my wedding timeline.. so in total need to lose 6lbs... I am confident I can do this as I think the +3lbs from this week should move quite quickly and I have looked at where I am going wrong and can rectify it.

On Sunday I am having my birthday celebration with my family as it's my birthday on Monday... so have to keep my head down this week as I know that there will be a big BBQ and cake at the end of the week! 

Have a good week everybody and let's move some fat and tone up... whoop whoop!

New Look

Hi peeps... how is everyone...? I was looking through my blog today and realised that from the design and things it was supposed to be a fashion, beauty blog but I just kept on writing about weight loss, fitness and health with the added bit of fashion... so decided to give my blog another new look! What do you think? Its all now looking alot more like a fitness and health blog and hopefully will add a smile to your day with the bright colours... Its all about the neon! The trouble with re-doing your blog is that if you use colour in your posts..as I do..then the old posts look right out of sync with the new look...it really annoys me...the OCD in me wants to go over all the past posts and change all the highlights so they all match... but that would take too long! 

This week so far has been ok.. still sitting on 182lbs...I have recovered from my mini breakdown and although I still think those things I am in the process of pushing them in to a tiny box and throwing away the key... 

I successfully (successfully used loosely) completed the 40 minute workout video that I blogged about a few days ago... yesterday morning I felt fine but today by body feels like it has been beaten up all over.. it was so hard.. some of the moves were near impossible... but that's because I have realised that my upper body strength is minimal...the crazy things is... I love it.. I am doing it again tomorrow and I love the feeling of being sore... it means my body is being pushed...that my muscles are being ripped and will mend stronger and tighter... just what I need and want...!!! 

Don't know what the scales will say on Monday... I know that if I have anything below 182lbs...even 181 it will be amazing.. it will be the lightest I will have ever been as an adult...and especially to see myself in the 12 stone range will be great... I think half of me thinks it's not possible! 

Cry Baby

I spent all last night wailing like a newborn... not kidding... it's been building up in me the last few days and I could feel it coming and last night it just erupted..unfortunately all at Biggy.. 

Recently I have been feeling alot of self-hate rather than the self-love I try to have... and as I am sure many of you are aware.. once that negative voice has a bit of space to move in it just gets bigger and louder until it's all you can hear... I think alot of it has actually come from hitting 182lbs... I have reached my initial goal weight and have lost 40lbs...and from my heaviest I have lost 49lbs... I can remember when I was 222lbs and saying to myself everything will be amazing when I hit 182lbs, I will have my life back and feel sexy and super confident and be able to wear excatly what I want and nobody will look at me because I am fat but will look at me because I will be so damn fine....  I have now hit that magic 182lbs... and do I feel any of that...in a nutshell.. .NO... not at all... in actual fact I think I feel fatter than I did before and if anything see the flaws so much more... before I was slightly oblivious to them but now it's all I can see.. The education I have given myself in health and fitness has actually just opened my eyes to how far I have to go and that 182lbs is not where I want to be... 

At the moment I can't even look in a mirror.. I will avoid them...Biggy tired to make me look in the mirror and say all the positive things about me but I wouldn't even look up and just stood there crying... what an idiot... and that's the crazy thing... he thinks I am so attractive and tells me all the time how sexy and pretty I am and is constantly wanting to take me upstairs to the point that I almost need to push him away (almost)...so it's not like I'm with a man who doesn't help my confidence... 

There are just so many aspects of my body and image that I dislike... I hate my knees and the fat around them... I hate the fact that my arms are bingo wings... I hate my stomach and how it has no definition whatsoever and is just quite a large podgy mass... I hate that lower pooch I have...I hate that my waist is small and then quickly goes out to the round tyre that sits around my lower half of my body.. I hate that my thighs are so big that they look so far away from my calf's and go in as such an angle.. I hate that my calf's are so big that I can't wear knee high boots as my calf's won't fit into them... I hate that my arse is so saggy and is full of cellulite...I hate that my thighs squish together when I stand with my legs straight.. I hate that when I sit down recently my thighs clap together so I now am constantly thinking when I sit down to make sure it doesn't happen.. I hate that I think people are just constantly looking at me and thinking how fat I am... 

Now I know that all of this can be changed through exercise and toning... but I think that I have just realised that the number doesn't magic everything away and that I am not where I wanted to be.. I know that I need to beat that negative self-hate demon away.. and I know that hating myself isn't making me stronger or better... if anything it's just making me worse... but how.. how do you get out of the negative way of thinking.. how do you beat the voice? 

Biggy was amazing last night and just sat there listening to me while I drank a bottle of red and cried my eyes out for 2 hours straight... I think he must think I'm slightly crazy...he said would talking to someone help.. and I don't know... most of the time I am fine... but occasionally it wins and the self-hate of my body washes over me.... it's something I am going to have to fight my whole life... what happens if I reach 162lbs and I am still not happy and still don't like myself... what will I do then? 

I am not being unrelistic in my body either - I dont want to be super skinny or have a thigh gap, I also don't want to be pure muscle... my inspiration is people like Kim & Khloe Kardashian, Kelly Brook, Sofia Vergara, Salma Hayek, Beyonce, J-Lo...all curvy beautiful women...that's what I aspire to... a curvy, fit, healthy, confident woman... 

Start of the Protein

Hope everybody had a good weekend...Mine was good... On Friday I was still holding onto 4 pesky pounds that I had gained from the week.. I looked over my food diary and saw that every day I had been going over my food intake by 100-500cals a day...Not good... but what I love is that I CAN and DO look back to see where I have gone wrong or right and compare it and because I do log EVERYTHING it really is a helpful thing for me to do as I know it's all honest...

Anyway weighed in this week at 182lbs again which to be honest I am happy with as I got rid of the 4lbs.. on Saturday I went to the gym and did a mammoth gym session.. I did 60mins of CrossTrainer, 20 minutes on the bike and then 25 minutes of breaststroke in the pool... it was so good... wish I could do that every day! 

Today is the first day of my Protein Shakes... I did quite a bit of research over the weekend on what and how it works and helps... I think when these tubs are finished I will then get 1 tub of Sculptress and 1 tub of Definity... after some consideration I am going to have a shake straight after the gym in the morning and then have a protein filled breakfast about an hour or so after the shake and then have a shake for lunch and have a healthy dinner... They do recommend that you have 2 shakes a day in between your 3 healthy meals...so I am doing a bit of that and also doing a bit of the Slimfast way of things by having a shake for lunch...When I can I will have the Definity shake in the morning and the Sculptress for lunch...  

I will also be bringing in a new part to my workouts..at the moment I do just cardio all week and although it will be good for me I have read so much about using weights and doing toning exercise to really shape your body and add that definity that you want... so 2 days of the week I will be doing this instead of cardio... I have been looking at what workouts to do and will change it every 2 months as I know that your body gets used to what you are doing and so doesn't need to work so much.. I have found this 40 minute workout from Fitsugar...they have so many great workout videos which range from 10 mins to full 40 mins... I am going to try it out and see how it goes...

I am thinking of taking a full body picture (nerve racking) so I can compare the photos in a months time...might actually do it tonight and might even share it with you... but a little scared to do so... this weekend I have really been struggling with BodyLove as in I don't have any and am having more of the BodyHate... I am excited to see the difference in my body in weight and proportion over the next month...