This is going to be such a boring post....mainly because I have said this so many times over the last few weeks.... I keep on failing... I don't know why. I want to be fit, I want to be healthy, I want to tone up and I 100% know that none of these things come without dedication, hard work and self-belief. If I want and know all of this why do I keep on failing...especially as the only person I am hurting is myself. I am getting so fed up and tired of starting again... and tired of not even seeing 182lbs on the scale anymore... this morning it's around 185lbs.... 
I know that one of the things I am doing wrong compared to about 4/5 weeks ago when things were going well is that I am drinking a lot more...now I never totally stopped drinking but I had cut out drinking in the week and I have got back into the habit of drinking every night... to the point that I can't remember when I didn't have a drink for 24hours. So I really need to break that habit as as I have said a number of time wine alters me in so many ways...I am not as strong in regards to willpower, it makes me hungry, it's effects my personality and it defo reduces my energy to get up in the mornings to go to the gym!
Last night we had a very nice evening but we consumed 2 bottles of wine... I didn't get up this morning to go to the gym.. I was too tired even though I went to bed around 11.30... What's the point of trying to eat healthy all day if by 6.30pm you are sabotaging yourself with a glass of wine that leads to a massive downfall.. and also I am tired of feeling guilty.. I am tired of looking at the scales and not seeing anything positive and knowing its all my own fault...
So here is my goal...I want to have to go back to not drinking during the week...I want to go back to the gym... I enjoy the gym.. in fact I love the gym... so I just need to get back into the habit of going... like I keep on saying if I eat right, say no to the things I know I shouldn't have and exercise regularly then my body will become in better shape and my weight will go down... Why can't I just get that in my thick head....I need to really look at what I am doing everyday and see when and how I am about to fail and make sure I am in control for my future me and future body... Normally I would also set myself a weight goal as well but half of me doesn't want to as it's not about the weight so much anymore...BUT at the same time it's 14 weeks till the end of the year...and it does seem to be a perfect opportunity to challenge myself... 1bs a week...14 weeks.......
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