I explained that sometimes I do not appear to be enthusiastic as I don't believe that he can really find me attractive as I am so overweight. I explained that I shy away from him as I worry he may be repulsed by my body and that I don't feel sexy at all. I think that he looks at my naked body and judges it and he simply MUST be thinking things in his head about how awful I look. I explained to him that my biggest worry is that he will leave me for thinner and prettier girls. I know that none of this is true...I know that he loves me regardless of my body and I know he finds me really attractive he said he finds me even more attractive now even compared to when we first met. He said how I have lost weight and should feel proud... but I don't. I know alot of things I know he loves me, I know he won't cheat on me with thinner people, I know I have lost weight... but I don't believe it...I can't see the difference in my body. I don't believe I am sexy and I don't believe he can really be attracted to ME! This is something I really really need to fix as I bully myself with thoughts and beliefs and end up believing them. I don't want Biggy to feel unloved or as though I am not attracted to him because of my crazy thoughts... This is where my heart and head have different ideas... I know my thoughts are crazy and although I know all of this I still keep on bullying myself. I know I have to fight it, I have to fight the thoughts that run through my mind every time I catch a reflection of myself. I know that realistically this is actually the hardest battle to win as it's all up to me... I can't go to the gym to help and eating fruit won't make any difference as even when I get to my goal weight...if I can't see the difference and be happy in myself what's the point of it all?
So it starts here:
- I have lost bang on 25lbs and kept it off....or 11 kilos or 1stone and 10lbs.
- 25lbs is the same as just over 7 standard bags of flour.
- I am 1lb away from being at my goal weight for New Year.. yes that's right scales today read 197lbs.
- Today I bought a Size 16 pair of jeans... in February this year I bought a size 20.
- I love my face and my big eyes.
- I have a booty that people have surgery to get.
- I have a tiny waist that looks great
- My twins are pert, round and are sexy.
- I do more exercise on a regular basis now than I have done since I was 18.
- I have a man that loves me and finds me very sexy.
- When people look at me in the street they are not looking because I am fat and ugly but instead because they think I am attractive.
- With every day that comes and goes my body is improving to be in the best shape it has ever been.
- When other people pay me a compliment it is because they REALLY think it.
- There is somebody out there that wants to be my size and have my figure.
My boyfriend and I have had this conversation before too - it makes me sad because he doesn't seem to fully accept that it's about how I feel about myself, not him.
ReplyDeleteYou've achieved so much! Love the comparison to bags of flour! And congrats on being so close to your new years goal :-) xx
Couldn't have put current situation with my husband in better words. Thank you,!
ReplyDeleteLove the assertiveness of the second part of the post
Thank you both for the support and kind words....happy christmas to you both and looking forward t catching up on the new year. xxxx
ReplyDeleteYou are dead right about people out there wanting your figure.....I'm a similar weight and size 16 too and I used to DREAM of being this weight and size when I weighed nearly 20 stone and wore size 24 clothes!!
ReplyDeleteSo, now I'm here I DO feel good even though I'm still striving to drop some more.
You should be proud of what you've achieved. Keep telling yourself the good stuff and, with the help of that lovely genuine fella of yours, you will cone to believe it!!
Great post!
Lesley xx