Weigh In- 24.12.12

196lbs....196lbs......196lbs! I did it...I have reached bang on 14 stone in time for Christmas! I am so so happy and so proud of myself! I now just need to maintain or lose more in time for Jan1st 2013! This year has had some major ups and downs for me in regards to weight and I have been able to open my eyes to so many things. I still have a way to go... and still have many mental things to work on and improve but I know I will get there... This year I have done something I never thought I would be able to do. For the first time in my life I have lost weight and kept it off... but not only I have lost weight I have lost alot of weight... I have lost 26lbs... I started this year at a hefty 222lbs and am now 196lbs... and to top it off this weekend I bought a pair of size 16 jeans...not the size 18/20 that I was having to buy at the start of the year.

I can achieve my goals, I will beat the demons, I am starting to slowly fall back in love with my body and myself.

 

My next post will be 31st of Dec 2012... Weigh In.... but lastly have a great Christmas everybody and THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart as I truly believe that blogging has been the thing to keep me on the straight and narrow and without your support I wouldn't have been able to achieve the 26lbs loss....

 

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

Being Honest With Biggy

A few days ago Biggy and were talking about bedroom activities and he was saying how sometimes he feels that I don't enjoy the activities or only agree as I know he wants to. He asked me if I was still attracted to him... this broke my heart as I think he is the sexiest man alive and every day can not believe that I am so lucky to have him in my life. To be honest it really upset me as I didn't want him thinking that at all..so last night I spoke to him and I explained what was going on in my head which beive me took alot of courage as a) ihad to say what goes on in my head out loud and b) I don't wnat to sound crazy!

I explained that sometimes I do not appear to be enthusiastic as I don't believe that he can really find me attractive as I am so overweight. I explained that I shy away from him as I worry he may be repulsed by my body and that I don't feel sexy at all. I think that he looks at my naked body and judges it and he simply MUST be thinking things in his head about how awful I look. I explained to him that my biggest worry is that he will leave me for thinner and prettier girls. I know that none of this is true...I know that he loves me regardless of my body and I know he finds me really attractive he said he finds me even more attractive now even compared to when we first met. He said how I have lost weight and should feel proud... but I don't. I know alot of things I know he loves me, I know he won't cheat on me with thinner people, I know I have lost weight... but I don't believe it...I can't see the difference in my body. I don't believe I am sexy and I don't believe he can really be attracted to ME! This is something I really really need to fix as I bully myself with thoughts and beliefs and end up believing them. I don't want Biggy to feel unloved or as though I am not attracted to him because of my crazy thoughts... This is where my heart and head have different ideas... I know my thoughts are crazy and although I know all of this I still keep on bullying myself. I know I have to fight it, I have to fight the thoughts that run through my mind every time I catch a reflection of myself. I know that realistically this is actually the hardest battle to win as it's all up to me... I can't go to the gym to help and eating fruit won't make any difference as even when I get to my goal weight...if I can't see the difference and be happy in myself what's the point of it all?

So it starts here:

• I have lost bang on 25lbs and kept it off....or 11 kilos or 1stone and 10lbs.
• 25lbs is the same as just over 7 standard bags of flour.
• I am 1lb away from being at my goal weight for New Year.. yes that's right scales today read 197lbs.
• Today I bought a Size 16 pair of jeans... in February this year I bought a size 20.
• I love my face and my big eyes.
• I have a booty that people have surgery to get.
• I have a tiny waist that looks great
• My twins are pert, round and are sexy.
• I do more exercise on a regular basis now than I have done since I was 18.
• I have a man that loves me and finds me very sexy.
• When people look at me in the street they are not looking because I am fat and ugly but instead because they think I am attractive.
• With every day that comes and goes my body is improving to be in the best shape it has ever been.
• When other people pay me a compliment it is because they REALLY think it.
• There is somebody out there that wants to be my size and have my figure.

Guilt....But Also Every Cloud

Sorry for not being able to post yesterday I had a HECTIC day.....Yesterday to be honest was a mix of really good and really bad...

Here are the few things I did so so so wrong yesterday...straight up no lying....

I ate 18 points worth of Fudge
I ate a meal portion of leftovers as a snack
I ate far to many pringles
I drank wine

Ok so firstly it all started with a  little trip to Lidll.... if anybody goes (and if you don't you should as they have so many good things that you can't buy in big chain supermarkets) anyway they have the most divine fudge...it's not the cheap sweet kind but the proper crumble in your mouth kind. It is AMAZING. I bought some for my brother and parents and although I knew I shouldn't do it I picked up a pack for myself as well... then I opened it... then I ate it...ALL...in 10 minutes flat. I worked out the points after and I knew it wasn't going to be good... anything that is ALL BUTTER FUDGE is not going to be good....it worked out to be 18 points. So that was my first whoops.

Then when I got home and was waiting for Biggy I was hungry ( I didn't have any lunch because of the huge amount of fudge) and saw the left over pasta and chicken from last night, I thought oh I will just have a forkfull then before I knew it I had taken the dish out of the fridge and was sitting on the couch with it on my lap and ate the whole thing. It was a small dinner portion but alot bigger than a snack.

Then when Biggy got back I had set up a little romantic welcome for him with some wine and pringles to enjoy while we relaxed in the bath... well I was alone for  a bit longer than I expected and ate quite a few of the pringles... why is it so true that once you pop you can't stop. There really must be some kind of drug or something in them...anyway that's how I ended up having pringles and wine.

HOWEVER... the good news is that I went to the gym yesterday as planned and I did a solid 50 minute workout on the cross trainer then followed by toning exercises and do you know what... I loved it. I loved sweating out all the wine from the previous night I loved  seeing the time on the clock get more and more and when I passed the 30 minute mark which is where I normally stop and kept going instead I absolutely LOVED IT. I am going to the gym again tonight and tomorrow night and will do 50 minutes again as a) I can and b)I  need to work out the fudge!

Have To Share This Recipe With You

Last night I had a friend over for dinner which was lovely and I didn't really know what to cook which could be healthy as I didn't want to serve a big meal as she is staying with me and tonight we have another one of our friend's coming over and we are having quite a big meal with a fair amount of carbs... I decided to cook this meal which is so easy to do and so low in points it's crazy.

I don't know what it's called but all you need is a few eggs, chopped canned tomatoes and some veg... I have cooked the dish before and used different veg to this time.. to be honest I look what's in the fridge and go from there.

This is what it will end up looking like:

 

 

Firstly turn your oven on to 180 degrees then cut up all your veg and put into a frying pan... ( I had green beans, mushrooms, onion, chilli, peppers and asparagus) cook on a low heat with the canned tomatoes.. you can add any kind of flavouring you want... chili or just herbs. I cook everything for about 30 minutes. and then transfer all the contents into a large oven dish...you do want it to be quite large as you want the veg to spread out fairly thinly... then make some holes in the dish pushing the veg out to the sides... a bit like a volcano opening... and break your egg into each hole... I do mine like in the picture so none of the eggs are touching.... then put the dish in the oven and cook for another 20 minutes or until your eggs are the way you want them. Then serve.... I find it best if the eggs are quite well cooked as it's then easier to move the egg out of the dish.

 

You can put in as many eggs as you want depending on how many you are cooking for or how many eggs you want for each person. This dish is so so easy to cook and is perfect for one person or 5!

 

In regards to WW points it all depends on a) what veg you use and b) how many eggs you eat. Last night I had one egg and all the veg I used were 0 points BUT I did serve it with a side of rice as my friend isn't on a diet and so wanted to offer something a bit more but the dish doesn't need it. I had the left overs for my lunch today without the rice and my total was 2points for a whole plate full! 

 

It's perfect as my total before dinner is 9 which leaves me a massive 24 points for dinner to play with... now I will be honest I have already planned my points for tonight and I still use some of my weeklies.... but that is fine as I have calculated wine and garlic bread and tortellini and  bacon and chicken as well as a rich sauce.... so no surprise that I am going over... but I have planned for it and am still a massively in control!!! I am not planning any other heavy meals this week and Biggy has bought some nice looking soups for dinner. I also do not plan on having any wine until Saturday (3 days without drinking) and am going to the gym Wed-Fri....

 

 

I really really believe that this week could be the week ... and right in time for Christmas... If  I can get down to 14 stone and then maintain or lose a bit more for New Year I will be truly ecstatic!!!

 



Weigh In - 17.12.12

Came in at 199lbs (14.3 ST) which is still not great but not bad. I looked at my weight chart and for the last 4 weeks I have been going up and down by 3/4lbs which isn't what I want but I know why and this week am going to be all over it to make sure I don't go wrong and get into better habits.

 

 

 

Went to the gym on Friday evening and burnt another 500 calories which I am very pleased with. I wanted to go to the gym every evening this week but I won't have the chance as I have my best friends coming over tonight and tomorrow night but will still go Wed-Fri.

 

Still my aim is to reach bang on 196lbs or below in time for New Years and I do realise that it's only 3lbs but realistically when I do loose I am losing 1lbs a week which is still good...and of course it's Christmas and New Years so big occasions to overcome.

 

I have already planned my points for today and am doing just fine. I have used 3 extra points for wine this evening but am fine with that... I would rather point it in than "pretend" that I am not going to have any when I know I will. Tomorrow night I will be using some of weekly points as well as I am planning quite a carby meal... the meal is easy to cook and doesn't require alot of time in the kitchen..but I am totally prepared for it so that's fine.

 

Anyway have a great week everybody and keep on losing!

What An Eye Opener

The last few weeks I have been going up and down a few lbs which is very frustrating and not what I want... I know why... I am eating too much and not exercising but I decided to do a bit of investigating and find out exactly where I am going wrong and if it is possible to actually stick to my points...

 

Do you know what I found.. every day I went over my daily points and so then using my weekly points... I could have easily avoided going over by making such small changes...one day I used 8 points by eating chocolates that were being offered around the office... guess how many points I was over for that day... 8! Another day I had a snack of cheese.. I didn't want it.. I didn't need it but I ate it and it carried me over my daily allowance... EVERY DAY is like this. It is really surprising and also really opens my eyes into my own eating habits. Most of the time the things that carry my over are things that I don't need, are snacks or are things I am eating because they are there. I thought I had got my emotional eating under control.. and I do when it comes to actual emotions like when I am happy or sad but I obviously don't have the boredom side of emotional eating under control. Don't get me wrong.. I really enjoy my job but I think it is from sitting at a desk...I really need to a) stop nibbling on things and b) find something else to do when I want a break instead of getting up and going into the kitchen to eat! However I have identified it now and am going to jump on it straight away as this is something that can have a massive impact on my weight loss! I plan to look at my Food Diary every day and write down what I could have avoided and so hopefully be really aware of it which will stop me in advance.



 

 



 

On the up side of things I went to the gym last night which in itself is good but what is even better is that I totally wrestled the little fat devil in me and won. I phoned Biggy last night to ask what we were having for dinner and he had finished early and was already at home.... he suggested that I come straight home and we go to the gym together instead in the morning.. I said yes that it sounds like and excellent plan and can't wait to see him... but then I was thinking I know that we won't go to the gym in the morning and if I go to the gym now it will only take 1 hour of my time... I will still be home in time for dinner and as much as I love spending time with Biggy I really want to get healthy, fit and sexy so when we are together and cuddle up on the couch while watching a film I am not having to hold in my stomach for half the film, or when we cuddle I don't feel like the man because I am so much bigger than him... so I phoned him back and said "Baby...I hope you understand but I really need to go to the gym" and do you know what he said "No problems...by the way I got us a Weight Watchers dessert"

 

 

Going to the Gym tonight again which means I will have got in my 3 workouts...to be honest I don't expect a loss this week but I am still celebrating staying positive as I have thought hard about what I am doing wrong and have gone back to working out... as we all know we have to celebrate the non-scale victories when we can! After thinking things through I have decided that my aim is to hit bang on 14 stone/196lbs (or less) by the 1st of January... which would mean that by the new year I would have said good bye to a total of 27lbs, I can start the new year on the right track and at a good weight to easily monitor any losses for the rest of the year.

I went to the GYM!

OMG... I am knackered this morning. I slept so badly last night...  I went to sleep at 11ish and that was fine but the room was really hot when I went to bed so opened the window a crack...everything was fine until around 3am... our home is quite old and creaks at night.. but last night it sounded like somebody was moving around... I woke up and so did Biggy (well he opened his eyes and closed them again) I on the other hand had to wrestle my imagination and talk myself into realising that a) there wasn't anybody downstairs b) there wasn't a ghost c) there wasn't a poltergeist d) to stop thinking about these things so they didn't go into my dreams. This of course meant that I didn't fall asleep again until some time after 4 and then it was a really broken sleep, where I got cold from the window being open and then had really messed up dreams about ghosts. My eyes are hardly open!

 

HOWEVER on another note I DID go to the gym last night... I did 30 mins on the cross -trainer followed by 3 minutes on the rowing machine and then some leg exercises. I burnt just under 500 calories which I am quite pleased with.. the cross trainer was good... the day before I put "Khloe and Lamar" on my phone and watched it while working out. It was really good as I was distracted by it so wasn't concentrating on the time I had done and also each episode lasts 22 minutes so when it had finished I didn't have long to go before I had completed my 30 minutes. Also it helped to see somebody that I consider a thinspiration in front of me to keep me going!
 

 

Going to the gym again tonight and hope to go on Friday as well... then that's my 3 days done, might still go on Saturday as I really need to start dragging Biggy's skinny arse there as well seeing as we are paying for a joint membership.

 

My Task today is to not snack in the day... I have don't want to eat anything between Breakfast and Lunch and then only have my mid afternoon snack at 3pm. Feeling like I am slowly starting to get back into it... I just need to go back to the basics...and as my Title says.. It's Not A Diet It's A Way of Life..

Let's Be Honest

 

 

 

 

Ok... I am not going on a little holiday... I am hiding... My eating habits are on the rampage at the moment. I haven't gone to the gym recently I am eating all the chocolates that are in the office and I eat nearly all day long... I know why... I am bored... work is really slowing down and I am so desperate for it to be Christmas to have a break, relax and spend time at home. I really really don't want to get into bad habits and REALLY don't want to put weight back on. But if I don't want to put weight on why am I eating so much and not stopping myself? Why do I not have more self control and why aren't I motivated to go to the gym...? The body I want to have won't happen from just healthy eating and seeing as I am not even doing that it really won't happen!  My gym stuff is in my car and every evening I drive past the gym and every evening I have a little debate with myself of whether I should go or not... but every time the "Go home and cuddle up with Biggy" argument wins. Does my head not realise that 60 minutes of my day in the gym will not impact my cuddle time with Biggy???

 

WHY OH WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN BORN THIN???? I am so tired of constantly fighting and using food as a crutch... it's so boring and frustrating. Aghhhhhhhh..... I know the answer is to suck it up, show my restraint and just get on with it and go to the gym... so that is what I have to do. Not on Monday, or tomorrow but right NOW. I promise that tonight I will go to the gym and also promise that I will read my self help book for a bit of helping hand to get back into those healthy habits. I have to.. I don't have a choice.

 

 

 

Going on Holiday

Dear All,

Just a quick note.... I am not leaving.. I am just going on a little holiday. feeling like I need a break. I can not wait for Christmas and can not wait to have a few days rest... seeing as we still have 13 more days to go I am going to take a little leave of my blog. Will be back for Monday Weigh In... Promise.

Till then... stay on track!

xxx

Monday Weigh In - 10.12.12

Ok... no surprise...last week was horrendous with eating... So I am up to 201lbs (14st5)...back into the 200's... am I upset.. yes... am I annoyed...yes....do I look a fool for every other week writing the same post of how next week will be better then doing better but then having a gain again...yes... BUT do you understand... yes...do you empathise.. I would hope so... is it going to throw me off my path ... no.... am I still in control ...yes... do I understand why I put on weight.... yes.

 

Last week was really bad for some reason I just ate and drank like it was going out of fashion... I know the mistakes I made and I know where the lbs came from. Friday was probably my worst day... we had Biggy's Xmas party in the evening and instead of being really good in the day I ate chocolates a mammoth sandwich..lots of canapes followed by a 3 course meal and lots of wine... then of course on Saturday along with a hangover came the hangover binge with lots of carbs and non stop eating...

 

 So that damned 14 stone mark is still there and I still haven't hit it... but I will... just you wait and see! Here are a few photos from the weekend... they are photos of photos so not the best quality and as you can see we are both looking a bit drunk!!

Xmas Party Tomorrow

Sorry for not posting yesterday...to be honest I just didn't have much to say!  I went to the Gym on Tuesday and it was quite hard work to be honest... I was defo sweating out all the wine from the night before.. I managed to do 20 minutes on the cross trainer which isn't great seeing as I did 30 minutes the last time I went no problems...but I guess that is what wine does to you! I was very proud of myself in the evening though... Biggy offered me a glass of vino and I just said no... even though he had one I sat next to him and had a very nice glass of water!

 

This however was not the case yesterday...he offered me a glass and to be honest I had had a shitty day... nothing bad but just a bit mundane so I said yes and then a bottle later (between 2) I finished with a Baileys and a piece of cake. Sigh...

 

Not drinking tonight and going to the gym this evening... yesterday was my cleaning day so spent 1hr cleaning the house top to bottom.

Tomorrow evening is Biggy's Xmas party which I am really looking forward to but it is a 4 course meal and there will be lots of wine... I am going to try to be good and actually really limit my wine as a) I don't want to drink alot because of points and b) don't want to be drunk at his office party!

 

I am actually really annoyed with myself for yesterday and Monday as I knew I was going to this big party tomorrow but instead of future planing I have potentially ruined the week and will have a gain again! Not what I want and not what I need. I had soup for lunch today and will just have a salad for lunch tomorrow, will also try and compensate for the week over the weekend but we will see. If I do have a gain then all I can do is draw a line and do better next week.

What a load of Vino

Made the mistake last night of drinking quite a bit of red wine... I was all ready to stop after 2 glasses but then Biggy suggested we open another bottle...needless to say that one got finished. I wish it was all Biggy's fault but sadly I was the one topping up my glass...The trouble with drinking is that then so many of your plans are put in jeopardy. Biggy made a cake last night and I had a small slice but a few glasses down out came the second helpings...and then this morning I woke up not feeling great (surprise surprise) and 2 hours after breakfast I was putting two slices of Nimble bread in the toaster and then covered them with Lurpack light butter....my body was just calling out for rubbish food..why does that happen??WHY?

 

However

 

For Lunch I have been really good and had a massive plateful of veg with some left over noodles from last night... lunch was a total of 7 points including dessert! When I went to buy the veg I had a look down the chocolate aisle and picked up a few things but then shock horror turned around and put them back... so not all is lost!

 

 

Going to the gym tonight... I have my kit in the car and am looking forward to sweating out the red wine... not drinking until Friday...for real.

Weigh In - 03.12.12

OMG......Happy Christmas everybody!!! It's December so I am allowed to say that now! Weigh In today was very good... down to 198lbs... which is 14stone2lbs... I would absolutely LOVE to see 14 stone on the scales next week and would also LOVE to be in the 13 stone bracket before Xmas. After my gain from the previous week I did try and be good and although I had a few slip ups I stayed on track most days... but I think what I am slowly realising and hopefully what is changing is that I am not "missing out" by not eating certain foods.. I am not looking back and going I really wish I had that Chocolate or I wish I had had the second helping...as when I Weigh In I am really pleased and don't feel like I have really had to give up alot to lose the weight...but when I don't lose weight I do massively regret having the second helpings or the bigger dinners. Food has always been a pleasure and a treat for me and it can still be that way but I don't have to eat like I am going to be "missing out" on something if I don't have the 2nd helping or that little snack in the middle of the afternoon! I have been doing Weight Watchers now for 5 weeks and have lost 8lbs... there is nothing in the past 5 weeks that I regret not eating.

 

Weekend was really good, went to the Abba concert Friday evening and that was fab... I couldn't go to the gym that night as we went straight out but I danced nearly the whole way through the concert so probably burnt my dinner off!! Then we were supposed to be putting our Xmas decorations up on Saturday but we bought things for the flat instead...we still haven't fully finished decorating it yet and want to have it all done my Christmas so we have rescheduled putting our Xmas decorations up for next weekend. One thing we ordered yesterday which I am so excited about is a Chaise Longue... here is a picture of ours...

 

 

I can't wait for it to arrive..should be with us in 14 days so just in time for Christmas! 

 

 

Then on Sunday spent the day with my family which was nice...I don't have the best realtionship with my brother but we were pleasant enough to each other and it was great to spend time with my two little nieces.

 

Anyway...have a good week everybody and this time next week I will be telling you that I am now 14 stone or less!!